You're busy pushing, labouring, and you know, delivering a child into this world, but your experience in the delivery room is much different than that of your partner's. He's solidly your sidekick, ready to act whenever you need ice chips or a back rub, but every now and then, he has a momentary lapse in judgment where he utters one big no-no. Or two … or three.
You know what we're talking about. He's utterly confused and can't quite seem to grasp the exact pain you're experiencing. That's when he says one of these beautiful one-liners.
And all moms can relate.
That's why we went to moms and asked them about the craziest things their partners said in the delivery room. Their answers will either have you nodding in agreement or thanking your partner for somehow managing to keep it together … and his foot out of his mouth:
1. "'That wasn't so bad, was it?' I almost punched my husband in the face."
2. "When our daughter decided to make her appearance at 38 weeks, my husband responded with, 'Already? But the book says 40 weeks!'"
3. "I was in final stages of pushing on all fours when I pooped. For months afterwards, he would tell anyone who would listen, 'I thought it was the head. And then it fell off.'"
4. "The vagina is ruined!"
5. "Oh my God, oh my God, why is it doing that?!' he yelled as I was crowning."
6. "After 11 hours of labour and the epidural not working, my husband looked at me and said, 'Honey, it can't hurt that bad!' I looked at him and replied, 'come let me twist your testicles.' He backed far, far away."
7. "I had been in labour for just about 15 hours, when my husband said this gem: 'I think I'm just going to go home quickly and take a nap. Text me when anything changes.'"
8. "I was already scheduled for an induction, but my water broke suddenly. I wake him up, and he says, 'Can't we just go when you have that induction? I have golf in the morning, and it's too late to call everyone to cancel!' My son was born about 45 minutes later."
9. "He asked the doctor how soon we can have sex just minutes after I delivered our son."
10. "While delivering my son, I felt something coming out. I told my husband to get the nurse, so my dear, sweet, wonderful husband goes to the door and literally yelled into the hall, 'MY WIFE HAS TO TAKE A DUMP!'"
11. "My husband happened to peek while the doctor was sewing up my huge tear and then looks at me and says, 'You're never gonna s*** the same again.'"
12. "He told me to 'take it easy' when I was cursing."
13. "Sheesh, can you just reach in there and pull her out already?"
14 "When I went into labour with my oldest, we were getting ready to leave for the hospital and my husband packed a pair of scissors. 'Do I need to bring them, or does the hospital have some for me to use to cut the umbilical cord?'"
15. "'Where does it hurt,' he asked. Where do you think?!"
16. "When I finally asked for an epidural, he muttered from his spot on the couch across the room, 'You don't really need it…'"
17. "How much longer?"
18. "'This is just like birthing heifers!' He grew up on a farm, but still … "
19. "Do you mind if I go get some food?"
20. "'Let me take this conference call," he said. And then he did. For 45 minutes. I never let him live it down."
21. "Can I turn the TV up? I can't hear over your moaning."
22. "To the doctor, he said, 'Can you put a few extra stitches in that to keep things tight?'"
23. "Wake me up when it's time to push."
24. "'I don't think I want to do this again,' he said. Oh really, you? This was hard on you?!"
25. "'Do you think my mom can come in?' he asked. No, for the thousandth time, I don't want your mother in this room."
26. "I was really out of it because they had given me Ambien. I would wake up with each contraction talking about how I didn't think I could do it. Since I didn't remember what he was saying anyway, he started having fun by responding 'I know' or 'nope, you can't do it'."
27. "He kept saying over and over again, 'OK, let's regroup.' The nurse asked me if he was in the military. I said no, but he's going to be in the hall if he keeps saying that."
What's the craziest thing your partner said during labour?