In relationships, couples need emotional intelligence to mature as communicators, a family life Counsellor, Phebe Gbesemete has said.

She’s one of the three Relationship and Wellness Coaches assembled on JoyFM’s family life show, 'Home Affairs' hosted by Edem Knight-Tay on Saturday to discuss how to handle 'Offenses and Apologies' in relationships.

According to Phebe, the most important thing in marriage is the relationship, the togetherness, and therefore couples must not seek to build self-identities or be independent of each other but must work hard to gain knowledge about themselves in order to dwell in harmony.

"Marriage is not about pouring all your problems on your spouse to solve it and make you feel better," Phebe said, concurring that couples need a lot of patience to admit and handle their differences.

Below are some nuggets espoused by Phebe to help address offenses in marriages.

• In relationships, it’s good to be an assertive communicator. You express your feelings and also listen to what the other person is feeling and going through.

• The focus of every conflict resolution situation is for a connection. You get to the bottom of an issue and ensure that it does not recur. Conflict resolution also helps couples to understand each other and gain deeper knowledge about each other.

• Those who have spouses who keep things to themselves, encourage them to talk.

• Couples must not impose their needs on each other but express themselves in genuine and authentic ways.

• When you are dealing with an immovable or difficult partner and both of you are looking for an intermediary, I advise that you allow the “immovable” spouse to choose the person you’re going to work with because you need someone they will listen to.

Another relationship coach on the show, PG Sebastian urged couples to learn to communicate because sometimes, the difference between peace and war is saying what is on one’s mind.

He shared the following tips to help address offences in relationships.

• Don’t sweep issues under the carpet.  When people are offended, it’s important you hear them out to understand the nature of the offense and their thought process.

• When the victim is given the opportunity to talk, he/she must keep to the issues and not lecture the partner, or attack their personality and eventually disrespect the spouse.

• You have to be receptive to your spouses’ emotional expression

• Desist from using apology as a defense mechanism

• Admit it when you err

• Watch how you apologize and learn to give constructive feedback

• Be mature in communicating negative issues to your partner

Ariel, the Wellness coach said compassion is one of the tools couples can use to address offenses in relationships, especially in cases where a spouse has refused to change their behaviour.

“Have compassion on yourself, your loved ones and prioritize your wellbeing” she added, enumerating other tips couples can use to resolve negative issues in their union.

• Some people have developed the habit of saying “I’m sorry” just to protect themselves because they are afraid to express their needs and face bigger conversations.

• In the heat of arguments, everybody wants to be defensive. So to deal with issues effectively, couples can create other comfortable platforms to consciously address their challenges

• In addressing issues in the relationships, couples must consciously make choices that will guide their wellbeing