Overview Children who frequently defy orders and wishes could simply be difficult children, or they could be suffering from a behavioral disorder, such as oppositional defiant disorder. Either way, dealing with children who are defiant and unpleasant can weaken your resolve as a parent. You might become angry and defiant yourself, leading to guilt and overcompensation later. The best way to deal with defiant children is to be clear and consistent, keep your head and stay calm. Step 1 Explore the reasons behind your child's defiance. It could be a symptom of various behavioral disorders, like attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder or oppositional defiance disorder. Your health care provider can test for behavioral problems. If the defiance is not a symptom of a larger problem, look for triggers; fear and anger can both cause a child to become defiant and hard to deal with. Step 2 Stay quiet when your child is showing signs of defiance on a small-scale. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that you should pick your battles wisely so that your discipline doesn't become nagging. The less that you reprimand your child, the more effective your discipline will be. Watch your child carefully and step in when you believe her defiance has gotten out of control. Step 3 Offer positive discipline when your child is exhibiting appropriate behavior. Too often, defiant children are reprimanded for their behavior, rather than praised. They learn to seek attention from reprimand. Instead, show your child the fulfillment of positive discipline. Watch for acts of kindness and politeness and offer specific praise. Step 4 Create real, consistent and predictable consequences for defiant behavior. Remember that sending children to their rooms is not always the best course of action, since children can't make the connection between the behavior and the consequence. Instead, institute natural consequences; if your child doesn't eat his dinner, he goes to bed without dessert. If your child won't listen to you when friends are over, friends are no longer invited. Step 5 Introduce a rewards system for good behavior, and use it as both consequence and reward, suggests Alan Kazdin of the Yale University Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic to ABC News. When your child has a chart with good behavior listed and rewards stickers, you can ask her to complete a task and if she refuses, let her know that she's not ready for a sticker right now, but maybe she'll try later. It's a gentler approach to discipline and it may entice your defiant child to listen more effectively. Source: livestrong.com