Overview Every relationship experiences its share of problems. But when things get so bad that you wonder if the relationship is worth saving, that’s the time to step back and take a careful look. One of the worst things either partner in a relationship can do is to make an emotional decision before considering all the practical issues. As impossible as it may seem when things begin to go wrong, there are steps you can take to save a dying relationship. John Gottman, who conducts research on marriage and family dynamics, suggests that often it’s emotional distance, and not conflict, that causes problems in a relationship. Step 1 Identify the problem. You can’t fix your relationship until you know for certain what is broken. Once you know what went wrong, you can work on repairing the damage. Amy Botwinick, author of "Congratulations on Your Divorce: The Road To Finding Your Happily Ever After,” points out that you need to be realistic and honest when evaluating your relationship, especially if you are considering divorce. Divorce might not necessarily be the best option, however. Botwinick emphasizes that when individuals experience serious problems in a relationship, it’s time to give careful thought to what it will really take to make it work. Step 2 Place things in perspective. Couples frequently have to give each other space for a while to sort things out. Having a little time on your own to think gives you the opportunity to calm down. Afterward, you might be less likely to make rash decisions. Step 3 Assume responsibility for your actions, and avoid blaming the other person. Partners never should have to defend themselves, since sincerity can have more of an impact on the other person than arguing. If you want your relationship to survive, it takes two to commit to making it work. When couples show empathy for each other’s feelings, they can usually deal with their problems in a more pragmatic manner. Step 4 Forgive each other. According to Mayo Clinic, forgiveness can take time. However, a couple needs to restore the trust in the relationship before partners can move their lives together forward in a positive direction. Step 5 Talk with each other, but not before you can talk calmly and rationally. Keep the lines of communication open, and discuss the problems in your relationship openly and honestly. Step 6 Listen to what your partner has to say. This lets him know that you respect him. Make him feel like he can talk to you about anything that is bothering him. A study reported in the July 2003 issue of the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology” showed that individuals who felt respected by their partners were better able to handle the emotional upsets that occur in their relationships. Sandra L. Murray, a psychology professor at University at Buffalo of the State University of New York, led the research, in which married partners kept a daily diary for three weeks, recording perceptions of their spouses’ regard for them. Step 7 Compromise, especially in relation to sharing problems and responsibilities. Determine whether the two of you are working toward the same goals, and if you are willing to work on solving your problems together.