All too often we imagine that great sex is something that just happens to us, a magical moment of chance. What if you could purposefully create the best sex ever? What if a little bit of self reflection could unlock the mystery of what makes sex incredible for you specifically?
Sex therapist Dr. Jack Morin developed a tool to do just that. In his clinical sex therapy practice, he noticed that most people wanted to focus on the problems and struggles of their sex lives. Drawing from the emerging field of positive psychology, Dr. Morin began challenging his patients to think about their most amazing sexual experiences. In his book The Erotic Mind, he writes “I was convinced that if I devoted as much attention to peak sexual experiences as I did to problems, I could eventually discern truths about eroticsm that would otherwise elude me.”
What he found was that by mining our erotic memories for your Peak Erotic Experiences, you can begin to understand what elements create the most turn-on, excitement and even ecstasy. He reports that “peaks offer us glimpses of our most authentic, healthiest selves and thus can serve as guides to growth.” Then, you can bring these elements forward into your current relationship so you can have the best sex ever. Check out our free podcast episode on Peak Erotic Experiences to be guided through this process so you can unlock your own core turn-ons!
The Peak Erotic Experience tool is a simple one, but the results can be incredibly profound.
- To start the process, scan through your erotic memory and identify two or more Peak Erotic Experiences, the best sex you’ve ever had. Think about your off-the-charts encounters that stand out as more pleasurable and blissful than all the other sex you've had.
- Once you've identified your Peak Erotic Experiences, remember them in as much detail as you can. Think about all the elements that made these experiences so pleasurable. Consider the environment (where were you? was there a risk of being discovered? ), the sensual aspects (smells, sounds, tastes, kinds of erotic touch) and the interpersonal elements (was there a power dynamic? forbidden lust? longing building up for months?)
- Start identifying the elements that your Peak Erotic Experiences have in common with one another. These are the best clues about your core turn-ons that will work for you in the future. Do all of your Peak Erotic Experiences happen outdoors? Maybe it is time to explore more outdoor sex all of your best experiences involve lots of full body touch? Consider learning couples massage and bringing more massage into your love life! Does your heart start racing when you remember your lover consuming you with passion? Ask your current lover to step up their game and bring more dominance into the bedroom!
This powerful technique can give you valuable information about what you desire in the bedroom. This process can be repeated as often as you'd like.