Life’s about choices. I’m sure you know about this. I learnt this quite late and in the hard way. Growing up in my small village Abaam in the Eastern Region, I was such a twerp. Everyone in the community knew me. I was just sixteen but I knew more than those in their twenties did. I was such a recalcitrant. My mum couldn’t control me and my poor dad, was worse off.

Finally, my big sister realizing I was giving my parents such headaches decided to bring me to the city, Accra. That was when I gained my masters in stubbornness. I quit school in my final year at the Senior High School; then a year after I met this guy. He was charming and I was such a beauty! ; oh yes, I still am. Smiles.

I thought we were meant for life. We started dating for about four months; I gave in and got pregnant. That was the end of our relationship. I never saw him again. He changed his address and I am now a single mother. Many women probably have such scenarios to share. I made my choice and I paid for it. I’m now 24 and I must say that life has been hard. I returned to the village so my mum could help with raising my daughter. I learnt a trade and I’m doing quite well now.

Society is so right to judge me. But I must say I don’t need and care about that because the most important is that I made a mistake, I paid for it…in fact I’m still paying for it and moving on.

To continue with my story, let me tell you about two ladies in my neighbourhood in Accra.

Akua is such a pretty girl. She got married at age 23. She had a wonderful man until things begun to change between them. They couldn’t sustain the marriage and it fell on the rocks. She’s now a single mother with two children; a boy and a girl. Nobody dreamt that could happen to such a seemingly idyllic relationship.

You may never know her but the moment you see her, you might begin to point accusing fingers at her. Some say she has two children with different men who never married her and others say she’s just a character. Why do we always accuse even without knowing reasons for peoples’ predicaments?

I’m not done yet. You see, lots of us single mothers have had different stories for our situation.

Baaba is another friend I want to tell you about. For her, she was defiled at age 12 and got pregnant. She barely knew about sex because of the kind of environment she and I guess most of us in such a reserved society live in. I remember a story she told me. She says she visited the antenatal whilst pregnant and an elderly woman, old enough to be her mum nearly picked a fight with her for being such a bad girl. She was all in tears. And I so much sympathized with her.

I know a few of our brothers have had some of these single parenting issues and have been forced to play roles only women can. That probably should be another discussion on another day.

 

But listen, I really want to make a point here. I find it hard to understand why people and society would point ‘we know it all fingers’ at we single mothers, especially without knowing our circumstances? We are a bunch of strong women too! Don’t get me wrong-some of us might have made bad choices-I guess the prices we are paying should tell you we’ve had enough. Do you know how much effort it takes on our part to raise these children without great men around? Do you know the number of nights we slept frustrated because we either had complications in our pregnancies all alone in our rooms or we missed these men kissing our tummies and saying good night to the unborn children? Do you know how much time we put in our works just to ensure that we have enough to put food on the table and to ensure we and the children look good plus our bills?

You have no idea.

I can’t say much more. But know us before you judge us! Love us and help our young ones to make better choices.

PS: Well, these are the experiences of some of our sisters and a few brothers. It is really not personal