I love beer, and I love sunshine. But sometimes, I want neither. I want coffee, and I want the shades drawn. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling pensive, and I’m thinking about mortality and climate change and the impending zombie apocalypse. Or maybe I’m just hungover. Either way, the fact that I want coffee and darkness instead of beer and sunshine illustrates a point: Just because I love something, doesn’t mean I want it always, no questions asked.

Now consider sex. The pervasive opinion is that humans who possess penises are always ready to get buck naked and bone. As a penis-possessing human, I can tell you this is not true. Sex is great. It’s wonderful. It’s glorious. But sometimes I just want my coffee. Or maybe my beer. And I’m not alone. Every guy has moods, and some of those moods simply do not lead to being horny. There are hundreds of reasons a guy may shoot down sex. The ones presented here are a few of the most common.

1. He could fart at any second. No—it’s nothing you did. It’s something he ate. And right now, that something seems to be filling his lower abdomen with gas. Consider it a compliment that he’s sparing you the, um, surprise.

2. He’s buzzing hard. Some call it whiskey d-ck. Some just call it being drunk. Either way, if he thinks his performance may suffer, he may just opt out of physical intimacy. There’s always tomorrow, when his senses have returned.

3. Must. Get. Sleep. He had a long day. Or a long week. He’s been burning the midnight oil, and now he’s pooped. And while the thought of sex seems nice, it also seems a lot like an Olympic competition right now. It’s better to just drift off into blissful unconsciousness.

4. He’s upset about something. Did you fight earlier? He could be stewing about it. But please—don’t assume he’s mad every time he’s not in the mood. If you suspect there’s an issue, ask him.

5. Oh, the pain. Back, neck, whatever. Sex ain’t so sexy when you’re trying to hide the hurt. If you’re feeling really nice, you could always tell him to just lay there while you do the work.

6. He stinks. Crap. He should have showered after the gym. But he forgot. And now he’s realizing that his armpits smell like Sasquatch's jockstrap. Did you notice? Hopefully not. Oh god, hopefully not.

7. He’s feeling lazy, but doesn’t want to appear selfish. He knows that women need more warm-up time than men do. And he’s kind of exhausted right now. Like, he wants to have sex, but he doesn’t want to put in all that work. Also, he doesn’t want you to think he’s a selfish lover. So it’s complicated. He’d just rather come back to this when he’s in the mood to do it right.

8. He’s feeling flabby. Dudes don’t want to admit it, but we can get self-conscious. When this happens, we make a vow: Tomorrow, we’re going to the gym! And by tomorrow night, we’ll be all abs and libido and pheromones! Hope you’re ready.

9. The game’s on! Football (or baseball, or basketball, or hockey—if he’s into that kind of thing) does not rest for intercourse. Maybe check back in at halftime?

10. Effing work. Stress is a big one. If he’s going to sleep with work on the brain, and he knows tomorrow is another early morning, he just might not be in the mood. And just because he’s not talking about work doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it. If it’s a recurring problem and you’re concerned, offer him a massage. Touch is a wonderful cure for stress, and if you can work the tension out of his shoulders, you may just bring him around.

11. Uh, he just had a little date with himself. Whoops. He didn’t know what time you were going to be home. So when you parade in raring to go, and he just rubbed one out...well, let’s just call it bad timing.