Breaking away from someone you have allowed your heart and mind to accommodate and deeply love, is a very tough battle to fight. The wound is exacerbated if you entertained strong hopes in the person for a lasting relationship that would lead to marriage. The experience could be very perplexing and excruciating.

Please note that we are talking about a serious romantic relationship leading to marriage; we are not talking of divorce or marital separation in this discussion --- those will be treated separately. 

In several instances, we clearly see or strongly sense the dangers ahead, but foolishly, desperately, ignorantly, or proudly bulldoze our way forward without the necessary precautions and wise decisions, and simply believe that the person would change, and conditions would also improve for us to enjoy a successful courtship or future marriage. Abundant evidence that we witness around us vividly tells us that the expected changes do not quickly and easily happen the way we envisage. The resulting picture could be very ugly and depressing. People have had to face the bitter consequences of failed romantic relationships and collapsed marriages that should have been abrogated and halted long before they became binding. Untold human and material resources finally go down the drain as primary components of the collateral damage.

In this world, we know that it is better to be safe and secure than to be trapped in danger and be sorry tomorrow (or even damaged permanently). If you wisely and boldly terminate an ongoing serious dating or courtship, then ensure that in your heart and mind, the person you severed relations with, does not become an enemy after the break-up. Otherwise, such rancorous contention can linger on for a very long time, sap your energies, and drain out your motivation juice, joy, and progress. The resulting events will put a dent on your testimony, cause you to lose focus, and hinder your growth, maturity, prayers, and blessings.

Such a period of despondency is the time to depend heavily on God’s love and His word to empower, comfort, encourage, guide, and grant you inner healing. "God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3). “For I (ALONE) KNOW) the plans I have for you (the thoughts that I think towards you), says the Lord; plans for welfare (thoughts of peace) and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). Meditate and pray also with scriptures such as Habakkuk 2:3, 4; Isaiah 64:4; Psalm 27:1, 14; Psalm 119:92; Exodus 14:13, 14; and Philippians 4:4-13.

Understand that God sometimes allows good things to be taken away, in order for Him to give us the best as replacement. But, we need to wait patiently for the Lord to work on our behalf. Never allow your disappointing relationship situation to make you say or do anything that will displease the Lord, offend people, and block your future blessings. Say good things for yourself, and say good things to others. Train yourself to forgive your partner and all those involved; bless them and bless yourself --- remember that “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21).

A combination of the words of hope and blessings from your lips, and practical demonstration of love from your heart, will be a formidable armor that will cause all attacks to bounce off, and enable you to walk in peace, hope, strength, joy, protection, service, and freedom. You also open yourself up for God’s grace, power, favor, guidance, and blessings to be poured into your life for future success.

If you need to break any relationship in order to allow the fear of God to be your guiding principle and please the Lord, then boldly take decisive steps to break it! Determine to get back on the road of progress, regain or maintain your moral sanity, be in God’s perfect will, obey parental authority, be free from decay in order to advance and become successful, and ultimately fulfill your destiny!

Do the sensible purposeful breaking, and let God deal with the consequences; and let the Almighty enable you to handle any feelings of shame, bitterness, fears, possible losses, and regrets.

When the negative thoughts and feelings later set into attack your mind and heart, determine to fight them with praises and thanksgiving based on faith and hope for the victories ahead of you; along with prayer, kindness, love, good deeds, appreciation, and scriptures (such as those listed in this text).

Tell God (and yourself) "My times are in Your Hands!" (Psalm 31:15). Yes, your best days are ahead of you, so far as you live in obedience and make wise choices in the times ahead of you. Assure yourself of these truths especially when you are tempted to compare yourself with other people's courtships, marriages, children, families, riches, prosperity etc., and when people ask you certain probing or unreasonable questions or make sarcastic, sneering, painful, foolish, and unkind comments.

You must also note that others who sincerely love you and have your interest at heart, will ask wise and caring questions, and make certain comments out of love, sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Distinguish the two groups of people very carefully, without making unnecessary enemies, isolating yourself and isolating others, becoming unduly aggressive or deflated and purposeless, losing focus, becoming immoral or ungodly, and harboring unreasonable prejudice against others, when it is all over.

You must humbly learn all the important lessons from your past mistakes, and take concrete steps to avoid repeating the errors in your next romantic relationship. Do your best to overcome all temptations to engage in any game of vengeance or self-pity. AVOID RUSHING INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP TOO SOON, without getting yourself properly healed of your pain, and becoming organized to make wise and godly choices.

Whatever tough spots or rough patches you go through in life, understand that God is developing stronger faith in you, and a spirit of patience, diligence, perseverance, humility, mercy, kindness, and trust.

Comfort and assure yourself that the Lord will not direct you to marry someone without ensuring that as you prepare, He also provides all that you need physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially, and materially for that courtship or marriage to become successful to His glory.

Therefore, keep praying, continue to engage in regular Bible studies and meditation, keep loving and forgiving, keep serving the Lord and serve people with gladness, and remain faithful. Derive power and stronger faith from praise and thanksgiving like Abraham did in Romans 4:20, 21 to grow strong in His faith before his son Isaac was born according to God’s promise even at the age of 100. Continue to depend heavily on God's unfailing promises, as you prepare yourself for the great things God is planning for your future.

"Continue to humble yourself under God's mighty Hand, for Him to exalt you in His own good time" (1 Peter 5:6).
Know that the peace of Christ in your heart (along with scripture) must be the final test for God's will in all matters, as you pray for God's leading for all decisions and choices (Colossians 3:15,16 and Ephesians 2:14). Cheer up and continue to do your best in life. The Lord who sees the secrets of our hearts, knows how to reward us in public.  God is always more concerned about the success of your future than you are. Therefore allow Him to be fully in charge of all affairs of your relationships.

You may not always see the Hand of your Heavenly Father working for you as you wish, but you must always trust His heart.

By Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo, Biology Professor and Minister, Virginia, USA. E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com.

Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana, to listen to Dr. Kisseadoo’s weekly broadcast “Hope For Your Family” on Sat. 5:30am-6am, Ghana time (12:30am-1:00am, US Eastern Time in Nov-March). Access the broadcast from anywhere in the world on the Internet with MYJOYONLINE.COM.

For free counseling, programs, prayer, messages, books, speaking engagements, call Dr. Kisseadoo in Virginia on 1-757-7289330 (or call Fruitful Ministries on 233-20-8126533 or 233-276-322982 in Accra or 233-275-353802 in Kumasi, Ghana). Website for resources: www.fruitfulministriesint.com. Access some of his books from RedLeadBooks.com or Amazon.com by using his name Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo to search.

In Ghana, call Tigo or Airtel 545 and follow the prompts for daily inspirational messages of Dr. Kisseadoo. Permission granted to freely share but with acknowledgement.