A lawyer Margaret Acheampong, told host of Morning Starr Nii Arday Clegg on Monday, “I’m very much against the preaching of no sex before marriage, [if] couples don’t get on well sexually they surely can’t marry, and the possibility of infidelity coming in is there.”

“So how can the marriage survive? The person would be forced to seek enjoyment outside. Practical sex is from experience and from the cases I have handled over the years I have a different opinion about no sex before marriage now.”

“I have handled cases where a marriage had to break because the man has a timber, the man’s manhood was too big for her, and she couldn’t contain [it].”

"Another’s was so slim that it pricks her when they have sex, these are the things you do not know if you don’t get the opportunity to test. If you don’t [test] and you go into it then the likelihood of the marriage breaking down is high.”

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While climbing moral high grounds in these matters is bad enough, crawling into moral hide-outs is hideous.

A high ground is pride, a hide-out is cowardice. And while death awaits both the proud and the coward, it is the coward  who dies 10 times before his death,

Let’s say moral laws are difficult, let’s say they are hard, let’s say we need help, but let’s not say they are wrong.

Sometimes, for fear of being called a pontificating hypocrite, we prefer to stay away from submitting and defending moral standards. But a hypocrite is a man whose conscience haunts him to say the right thing while his desires taunt him to do the wrong thing.  And what is conscience? It is really nothing more than a selfie of heaven stored in each man’s mind.

And so the hypocrite needs help because he has a conscience, but the liberal needs to be hurt because he has an ego. And when you read Auntie Maggie’s advice, you see ego all over it.

With this in mind, shall we go on to substantive matters?

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The old world believed that fun before faithfulness may end up destroying faithfulness. The new world now believes that faithfulness before fun may end up destroying fun.

Sex before marriage used to be a temptation, now it is a thermometer. It is used to measure marital success.

Lawyer Auntie Maggie wants to save fidelity in marriage by hanging faithfulness in relationships. Her faithfulness is faithless.

Our divorce lawyer wants to turn guilt in the evening into gladness in the morning and practically turn mourning into dancing. She wants sex to be stripped of any moral regulation or religious beliefs in order to save marriage, an institution she did not create.

E-Lab has noticed that powerful lies are mainly made of half truths. And a set of powerful lies in our time is free sex and landlords.

 Taking sex freely is as ridiculous as taking a landlord seriously. No lord has a land because all lords met the land before there ever was a lord. 

The whole point about life is that it is waiting for us to learn - whether quickly or slowly - that we are complete tenants on this land and in this body. The land may be mute to have a say but it is a mute lord that eventually has its way. For every man who steps on sand will be trampled upon by sand. The earth always has a good laugh, the heavens always has the last laugh.

Sex is a three-letter word owned by a three-letter God. Just as land is a four letter word owned by a four-lettered Lord.

And so free sex is a conclusion of those who believe that the big bang which created all the banging in bed.

It may take a while for this generation to understand that there is a price for pleasure much like there’s a price for everything. And the true price for pleasure is that we should not enjoy it too much.

The price for enjoying the sun is to vow not to stare at the sun. The price for seeing nudity is to vow to watch one woman. No wonder lovers call each other sunshine. They pay the price for the sun and for love.

To complain about not having enough sex because you are restricted to one woman is to complain that you don’t have enough life because you were born by only one woman. Because to enjoy life you must be born. To enjoy sex you must be bound.

Devoid of the politics, we are in a power crisis partly because we use too much power. To enjoy power or sex, we must conserve megawatts and sperms – for one home and one woman.

Those who enjoy wealth use it less. That is why Mark Zuckerberg wears one shirt and Kwasi Twum has one phone.

To really enjoy a bottle of Guinness, you must drink it less. That is why the label says drink responsibly. Guinness insists that it is not suitable for persons under 18. Nobody gets angry. But let God take a cue from Guinness and say the same of sex, that it is not suitable for under-married and the whole world goes around whining, denouncing, complaining like spoilt children.

A buffet is a trap, the idea that you can eat everything for the price of one. But the trick is that you are not to take the challenge seriously. It often ends up in several minutes in the washroom or becoming a laughing stock after the diner.

And so the price for pleasure is humble self-restraint. This idea that we must be free to do try-try-testing-mic-one-two sex, is like a curious man who eats and spits out different dishes at a buffet in the name of tasting. It is nothing less than bush behavior.

To say we must be free to be promiscuous in relationships so we are bound to be faithful later in marriage is to say the short cut to faithfulness is unfaithfulness. But the short cut to faithfulness is simply to  keep your shorts on – for all but one woman.

But how can we get Auntie Maggie to see it this way? Maybe a lesson in Maths may help.

if life has anything in common with maths, a student will discover that it is possible to get some marks even for the wrong answer. But it is impossible to get a mark even for the correct answer. The mystery is in formulas.

Trial-and-error sex as a better route to fidelity is with all due respect, a wrong formula to work out a correct answer.

Oh you don’t like formulas? Formula is the difference between a good cook and a running stomach.

But alas Auntie Maggie disdains them. She wants answers obtained from short-cuts.  And that has been the mind of this generation – For hardwork, a young man prefers quick money, for qualities relationships, he prefers quickies. It appears, our divorce lawyer believes quickies are as good as quick money.

Auntie Maggie is concerned about the size of the well, complaining about the depth of the well. There is something far more serious going on but she just can’t perceive it.

If we asked the real Land Lord, he would give us a compatible acre on which we can faithfully farm. If we asked the chef at the buffet which diet is good for a vegetarian, he would show us a table full of veggies. If we asked a sound engineer, he would give us a faithful microphone sizeable enough to fit right under our noses.

But no. Maybe, we may have to ask the Big Bang. The sun is hard, the snow is soft. The stars are pricky, the earth is thick. So the Big Bang ordered a free bang between the sun, snow, stars and earth and because they are not physically compatible enough, all we heard was a loud noisy bang that has created all the confusion in the world and the confusion in marriages.

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For a slightly longer version, read at: Edwinology's Lab: For better for worse until sex advice from a divorce lawyer do us part

For more articles read: edwinologylab.wordpress.com