It is important and quite interesting for us to explore one of the major differences between males and females — beauty (in women) versus honesty (in men). Males are naturally wired to be creatures of the eye. Men therefore desire and focus very much on the outward physical beauty of women. This tendency towards externalities in females often magnetizes many men into the traps and tentacles of the juicy looks of women that drip from their comely bodies, and divert attention from a more important inward spiritual beauty (character) that several men tend to ignore in women, and later pay for the bitter consequences. Many woman care about the physical looks of men in several respects as well; but in general it is not the overriding concern of a number of women, and the preference for a very handsome man does not come even close to the hilarious ecstasy that descends on men at the sight of a beautiful lady. The women on the other hand are wired by God to be creatures of the heart and emotions. Females therefore desire love and inner beauty, along with positions of achievement that can offer them care, contentment, and security. Women always long for deeper qualities of honest hearts and a spirit of integrity in every man, more than men do for women. Integrity means consistently doing what you said you will do without changing your character, actions, or attitude at anytime. That becomes the basis for faithfulness that refers to consistency in doing the same good things without changes that will alter the desired results.

No woman can therefore live with or enjoy any meaningful fellowship, relationship, or marriage with any man who does not tell the truth by mouth and/or by deed, and who does not keep his promises made to people, especially to a fiancée or wife. It does not mean that a woman can tell lies and be excused. She must tell the truth consistently as well. In some marriages the women rather are the liars. But honesty seems to be a bigger problem for many men especially in terms of commitment to one woman as a lover, different forms of extra-marital sexual affairs, financial dealings, investments, associations, and friendships.

No man can also truly love, accept, and enjoy any deep relationship with any woman whom he looks at but does not feel attracted to her physically. The man can pretend to love her because of financial gains and other benefits, and still become stirred merely by the woman’s sexual appeal that automatically flows between two people of the opposite sex if they come close enough with romantic intent. But there will be no genuine inner love and commitment for a lasting relationship, and such a marriage is doomed to failure unless true repentance, hard work, and god’s intervention come into play.

It is a known fact that some men get into close relationships with women who do not really appeal to them, and whom they do not genuinely love. In such cases they befriend or marry them with ulterior motives of using them for their selfish gains (financially, sexually, materially, domestically etc.)

Some women do not care very well about their bodies (shape, size, smell, hair texture and style, skin, nails, teeth, etc.) and especially their manner, choice, and style of dressing, after they have settled in a marriage. This personal mishandling of women’s bodies happens frequently after the women are satisfied with the number of children and property they have obtained in the marriage. They do not allow sex, romance, and therefore beauty and looks of their body to become a priority anymore. That is a very unwise and dangerous recipe for the weakening of the attractive bond in any marriage. It sets the stage for the husband to be lured and attracted to other good looking women whom he finally finds himself spending more quality time with, rather than enjoying quality time with his wife and children. The worst part is that it opens wide doors for adultery that brews terrible unfaithfulness that can culminate in separation and divorce.

It does not mean that men should only focus on telling the truth and keeping their promises without caring for their bodies as well. Any good and decent man who is fit to become a GOOD husband or fiancée, would not leave his fingernails to grow and become claws like an eagle, accumulate sweat by repeatedly wearing the same shirt or underwear for weeks, refuse to use lotion on his body till the skin appears to be that of a crocodile in the jungle, neglect to use deodorant under his armpit until the foul odour brings jubilant troupes of flies after him in the streets, allow his armpit to grow hairs like a tropical bush that harbors all kinds of insects, watches his moustache to do what it wants to do on his face until it looks like a broom, and then abandons his hair to be as unkempt as that of a homeless and mentally demented fellow in the Central Park of New York City! We should not forget that “cleanliness is next to godliness.”

It is always advisable for every woman to ask and know the physical qualities that attracted her man to desire her for a romantic relationship, especially when they have married. Then she must make every effort to maintain those qualities. Our bodies change as we grow older, but a wise, clean, and elegant woman who really loves her beauty, and is committed to give her husband or mate a body to appreciate and enjoy, will make every effort to maintain an attractive body and elegant physical appearance at all times. If the man was attracted by the Guitar or Coca-Cola Bottle type of shape, and the woman carelessly consumes all kinds of foods until her shape changes to become a semblance of watermelon or coconut, then there will be trouble in the relationship. A man who also loves to behold and handle much flesh on the body of his wife will find it a problem to be attracted to his wife later in the relationship if she engages in physical exercises and stringent diet practices until her figure resembles a slender pole or broom stick.

Every man must lay a strong foundation of honesty and integrity from the very beginning of the relationship, right from the day he proposed to the lady. Honesty is not just “the best policy”, but is actually “God’s policy”. The man must strive to abide in honesty and integrity that will cement the marriage or romantic relationship all the way to its completion (‘till death do them part’). The lady must reciprocate with the maintenance of her honest “yes” to the proposal, and become honestly committed to her man at all times in the relationship, in order to encourage him to be absolutely open-hearted and fully committed to her. From hundred of personal observations, women have a very high tendency to honestly love their men and become committed to the marriage and the children, than most men do. Therefore most women become very devastated when they discover hypocrisy, shady deals, illicit love affairs, and dishonest excuses in the life of their beloved men. Some women can be lured by money and material wealth or romantic attraction to run after other men, but most women who leave a man would do so after they become too tired to deal with the infidelity, lack of integrity, abuses, in-law threats and interferences, and insecurity in the marriage created by the men the originally trusted.

Even if the woman shows some dishonesty in the relationship, you as the man must exhibit righteousness and strength in character as an able and trustworthy LEADER of your fiancée, or wife and children, backed by the fear of God and fueled by the passion to do God’s will. It is immature and foolish for any man to resort to a life of deception, tricks, lies, abuses, apathy, violence, and extra-marital romantic affairs as retaliation or means to cheat your wife, subdue her, or hinder her progress in any relationship. That is utter defeat for your manhood if you do that as a respectable man. In the same way, it a shameful defeat and disgrace for any woman to ignorantly or intentionally sell her body to any man outside of her marriage or courtship, or neglect good care of her precious God-given body, as revenge to punish a man who would not love and care properly for her, or mistreat and dishonor her body to hurt and annoy a husband who is siding with in-laws against her or flirting with another woman.

Please, let us diligently maintain the right balance between inner and outer beauty for men and women in our relationships, as we educate ourselves to understand these fundamental differences, and find common soil that we can happily agree to plant ourselves into, for mutual growth and maximum productivity in our courtships and marriages.

Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana on Saturdays at 5:30 am – 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 1:30 am – 2:00 am (US Eastern Time, October – March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoo’s broadcast “Hope For Your Family”, which is simultaneously transmitted through LUV 99.5 FM in Kumasi. Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM. Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoo’s book: “Differences Between Males and Females”(plus his 12 other books) from RedLeadBooks.com, or from Amazon.com. Contact Dr. Kisseadoo in the USA (757-7289330) for copies of all of his 13 books or free counseling and prayer. Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for varieties of resources. Copyright Oct. 2010 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc. (Evangelistic & Teaching Ministry), 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 757-7289330 Fax 757-7289335 E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com

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