Katanga Tankers

‘Gaudeamusigitur, juvenesdumsumus…Gaudeamusigitur…juvenesdumsumus;
Post jucundamjuventutem…Post molestamsenectutem
Noshabebit humus. Noshabebit humus’.Sing alonggggg!

Gaudeamus ladies and gentlemen, ah weytin happen? I hope you sang this university anthem with vim during your matriculation or? It was a song that made one feel he or she is indeed among the creme-de-la-creme of the stronghold of knowledge. Indeed Tek attracts the guys with some of the best brains thus making it a very very serious university; after all Busumuru and COP Kofi Butsey were there!

Can we just try it this other way – one male and one female in the same room? I am sure there would be total silence and a peaceful co-habitation. Nobody would hear about it. Maybe we won’t say we are converting them into mixed halls. We can subtly put it this way: ‘Fellow Katangees, and Continentals, we want to give you study mates. As a result, what we are going to do is to bring you a lady to join you in your room – so one guy, one lady in the same room but whatever you choose to do in the room, do it before 10pm’ but you have to apply to the National Population Council (NPC) for permit’.Ajeeeei!

I believe the NPC would recommend that the males should not eat food prepared with salt in it as I learnt salt drives the feelings of especially men. Abeg, I didn’t say salt is an aphrodisiac o so you end up chewing songor or panbros salt just for unnecessary vim things. The ladies with whom they share their rooms can prepare food for them without salt but should remember to sleep by 10pm, sharp! No touching!Hahaaaa!

Or should we maintain the status quo where some ladies are already unofficial sleep-overs in Kat and Conti? We don’t mind. Making it official is largely speculated to be the remote cause of these unfortunate disturbances.

But I am sad ooo, don’t ask me why, I would explain without you asking. It is bcosAblavi came back home Wednesday night to say Tek has been closed down. You see, it is not even the closure that is my problem o, but bcos now that she is in Accra, every cost around her has become my responsibility, even her transport from Kumasi to Accra and Accra to Kumasi when school eventually reopens, hopefully soon. I am sure when she is going back,I have to restock her fridge things apart from her pocket money. Whiles home now,I have to renew her DSTV subscription by force. Most mature students are able to pay their own bills but for Ablavi, I just don’t know why la ah!

‘What at all is the problem?’ I asked Ablavi only to be told that, the guys are refusing to have ladies near them among other triggers, hehehe! Eii these guys paa, I wish I was there, I will quickly suggest we even share rooms with the ladies and then! By so doing, we would only be fulfilling all Biblical righteousness by ‘borning plentey pikens! Hahahahaaa!

Demonstrations in our time were massive but more for the fun of it amidst brass band processions though with some small fears especially when we saw the police officers shepherding us to peacefully subtly send our concerns and grievances across. In fact at some points, we didn’t even need the police bcos we were sure of remaining in our lanes with no destruction of the very things we came to meet to provide us education. One of such processions was provoked at the time when the name UST was being changed to KNUST.

Chai! Brothers were not happy bcos we thought the name UST came with some swag unlike KNUST as some of our compatriots, including some media personalities twisted their tongues in pronouncing it: ‘Kay You Ernesti’ (KUNST) especially if they were in a hurry! Ours, though very loud, were typically very peaceful and we never went to the extent of vandalizing anything, nooo, at least not that I remember. We only scared the hell out of some of our Professors with loud music powered by brass band and deafening unnecessary screaming put together in driver-ants mammoth fashion!

At strategic locations, our voices were lifted to exceptionally high decibels at very deafening heights for the lecturers to gently leave campus so that we could beat liberty to enjoy the fun that came with it but there was never violence or any form of vandalism. Not even the mother of all demonstrations – ‘Mmobrowa’ that involved all the public universities to protest the introduction of the academic / facility user fees in 1998 recorded anything up to such magnitudes as the recent eyi.

I remember one such mammoth gathering from Tek junction to Adum; the whole university campus ran dry and not a single soul was left on campus – everyone joined in the frenzy – all study and no ‘play’…haaba! A Chemistry Professor who was driving from the Kumasi Airport to campus upon seeing the mammoth crowd got shocked and fainted! 

However, difficult it may be, abeg, let all the parties to the matters arising agree on something quick quick so that Ablavi can go back to school and leave me alone with her unnecessary demands for papay3 and KFC! I am glad His Royal Majesty Otumfuo is stepping in to help resolve the matter! As we speak, Ablavi is currently in the room I helped her to pay for and using air-condition sleeping with electricity bills at my cost. All these costs would have been avoided if this didn’t happen, I lie?

I believe we would reach a consensus soon so that she can go back to school and stop harassing my young life with ‘when you close from work, I want Frankis!’. E be me close down the school? Mtcheeew!

Our young sharp brains, it’s unfortunate and I am sorry but I think some of you guys went too far; if we had destroyed those things 20 years or more ago, I don’t think you would have them today to provide you the much needed education. Continuous dialogue is the key to all peaceful resolutions on issues. No matter what, it’s a No No! Weytin no happen before wey the mouth no fit resolve? Abeg, next time don’t do that thing ok? Okay!

While discussing this Tek trouble yesterday after work, I was driving to Legon from Burma Camp for a lecture. Then I stopped to offer a very beautiful lady lift and she agreed. I was already late for the lecture. The weather was cold. The conversation became one of an exciting one that centred on mostly Tek. I slot in a CD with some melodious sounds with Spice Girls’ Viva Forever’ playing; I turned the volume down a bit, increased the bass in a cozy black interior and increased the AC to impress her even though I had a severe flu to deal with. She was looking at me in a suggestive manner.

It was about 6.30pm. Traffic was dense around Opeibiah. Suddenly I became so excited and even forgot I had a lecture. She said she was going to Peduase and I was like ‘no problem, I will take you there; what are friends for. I am glad I have met a princess’. She smiled and the dimples on both cheeks exposed themselves in a Cape Town fashion! Her set of white teeth? ish! From the conversation, the ‘deal’ seemed to be almost through till we got to the mountain top at Peduase. Her house was close to where I was about dropping her.

It turned out that she is a first year student at Tek studying Petro-Chemical Engineering and a resident of the hall of real gentlemen – Katanga! She made a quick appeal. She asked me if I could continue further with her to Mampong which was further away. ‘To do what’? I quizzed. Her answer was: ‘to go and pick my boyfriend who is finding it difficult to get a car to come to my house bcos of the rains’. Ern? I just quickly made a U-turn and brought her back to where I picked her from o – 37. What kind of witchcraft be this? Na me born you? Me I get ah, I no like? Kaabli! Hahahahaaa!

Please don’t ask me whether I have been able to attend the lecture that day o. I was already angry with myself and that girl who made me waste my petrol and time! She is a Katangee! Hahaaaaa!It is only the desire of your manhood that can send you to the land of the unknown – dead or alive! Abeg, lets resolve the outstanding matters and let them come back to school quickly; they are creating problems for us back home la ah!

The Spartans of Independence Hall, the Royals of Queens Hall, the Continentals of Unity Hall, the Mongols of Republic Hall, the Domites of Africa Hall and of course, the ‘Tankers’, the Fellows of Katanga, ‘charge’ but ‘charge’ responsibly bcos there is only one Tek– let’s protect it with Gaudeamus as our GUIDE– sharp!