A little chase will keep him hooked.
So you finally got the guy… what’s next?
Being in a new relationship is blissful. Each new day can’t seem to get any better than the day before, and every day brings you closer to one another. Discovery after discovery is guaranteed to make you fall in love with each other more. You know how to get your man to chase you and make you feel wanted. And he love the thrill of chasing after you, too. You can’t get enough of each other.
It’s all passion and romance and love, the stuff great romance novels are made of. But then that passion turns comfortable. What happened?
Six months in, one year after, you are still very much together. There’s no doubt you still love each other — but the spark has dulled and he's stopped chasing you like he used to. You end up second-guessing each other.
Passion and romance have turned comfortable and boring, and there are times you feel you are being taken for granted. There are times you feel he is slipping away.
You get scared and do a knee-jerk reaction: Try and pull him closer. But it backfires.
Do you feel that it’s a lost cause? Are you afraid that this relationship is soon going to be part of your long-winded history of exes? Don't worry! There's a way to fix things.
What you might be experiencing is just that — romance gone comfortable. And while it doesn’t do any good for you to nag your man to death about him not being the same man you fell in love with, there are ways to keep your man on his toes. There are ways to make him stay on top of his game and be the alpha male you first became attracted to.
And it all depends on you making him keep up the chase.
Remember, alpha males love the chase. They are pursuers in the relationship.
Men love two things: the chase, and the thrill of the chase.
They love pursuing you, and they love the challenge and tension pursuing you brings. You can even compare the chase to a game. And don’t we all agree that men love games?
But don’t fret. Games are beneficial in a relationship when they are done in the spirit of love and fun.
I have come up with these methods to ensure you get to maintain the chase in the relationship. Long-term relationships and even marriage are what many women hope for, and knowing how to maintain the chase is essential to keep the romance and passion alive and blooming long after the thrill of being in love dies down.
You can call this "keeping the spark alive" in relationships, but for purposes of dating advice, I’d like to call it "keeping the chase."
Here are 4 ways you can "keep the chase" going in your relationship to keep your dynamic hot and enticing for your man:
1. Stop chasing him.
The first thing you need to maintain the chase is to stop chasing him. How can your man chase you, if you are the one chasing him?
This means you need to hold back a little. When I say “hold back,” I don’t mean withholding your love and affection. This simply means you need to let him be the first one to contact you for a change — whether it be a simple text or a phone call. No matter how much you “miss” your man, holding back a little makes you seem like a challenge, and men find this appealing.
Here’s a simple truth: For men, pursuing a woman who doesn’t seem that interested in them looks more unattainable (hence, challenging) than one who shows how interested she is from the onset.
Remember, you might have given him your “yes,” but it doesn’t mean he is going to be your whole world.
2. Give each other space.
Like I’ve mentioned above, you don’t have to be each other’s worlds. Actually, familiarity breeds boredom. You don’t want to be bored with each other, do you?
While it is encouraged that you get to know each other more during the course of your relationship, you don’t have to get to know each other fully right here and now.
You need to maintain an air of mystery around your man. Make it seem like he knows you, yet surprise him with another facet of your personality that takes him aback. Men love mystery — that’s part of the thrill a relationship should bring. It should still give you a sense of excitement knowing you will be meeting your partner for dinner, for example. How will he get excited when you cling to him 24/7?
Giving each other space also gives both of you room to grow and improve, and most importantly, discover new things about yourself. How will you maintain the newness of your relationship when the versions of yourselves are the same old ones you had when you got to know each other?
3. Get a life separate from him.
A relationship needs commitment for it to work. But your first commitment should be to yourself, feminine woman! Don’t forget to take care of yourself first.
Remember the life you led before he came into the picture? Don’t forget about that. Remember you still have your family, your career, and your friends to give attention to. Give ample time to each area of your life without getting him involved. Sure, you can introduce him to your friends, but he doesn’t have to be there every time you meet with them. You need your girl time, too!
And don’t give him an update every hour of what you are doing when you're “getting a life” separate from him. He might appreciate it when you do it once, but too much is overkill. Simply inform him you are going on a night out with friends and you will be out late.
Simple as that — you don’t have to give him a play-by-play account of what you are drinking or what you girls are talking about. Believe me, even your most thoughtful partner couldn’t care less. An alpha male will give you your freedom, and more importantly, give you his trust that you won’t do anything stupid.
Do things that make you happy, and don’t seek his approval. You don’t need to.
4. Let him pull away — and trust that he will be back.
If you need to get a life separate from him, respect the fact that he also needs to get a life separate from you.
Let him do things that make him happy — things that he has always enjoyed doing, long before you got into the picture. He doesn’t need your approval. You just let him be.
Make it about him. If he is the type of person who enjoys going to the gym a few times each week and would prefer it over watching a movie with you on a Friday night, let him be. It isn’t a reflection of how he doesn’t want to spend time with you, it’s simply doing something for himself — the same way you’d need to spend several hours in the salon for pampering, for example.
5. Make him long for you.
You need to make him long for you. Whether it is through making yourself unavailable from time to time, pursuing things that make you a better person (and lover), or letting him be — he needs to miss you.
While physical separation might be close to impossible if you are already married or living together, make sure that the woman he encounters from day to day keeps an air of mystery around her. Make him feel excited to get to know you again, know you better, know you more — as you continue to make yourself a better woman.
Make him excited to discover a newer and better version of you from time to time.
Make him unravel the goddess within you! That’s how you keep the chase.