“What did you say again?!!” Araba quickly found her voice and wiped the surprise from her face.  “How is that possible, your husband is Ga and you’re Fanti.  Your families met at the engagement…it can’t be” Araba continued, trying to make sense from what Maya was saying.

Maya, tried wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand, rolled her eyes and said dramatically... “I don’t mean literally, Araba.  Although from what I’m going through he may well be my brother!”

Araba said a member “Whew!” and looked critically at her friend.  “What is happening Maya?”  “Why are you so distraught?”

Maya, calmed herself.  “It’s Ben, Araba.  It’s either he’s cheating on me, or that there is something very wrong.  Most of the time I feel I’m married to my brother.  It’s been over six months since we last had sex.  Half of the time he’s asleep by the time I’m ready for bed or even when he’s not, he doesn’t look interested.  The other half, I’m tired and not in the mood. The suspicious part is that, he doesn't seem very worried about the lack of sex.  I thought guys were supposed to want sex all the time!”

Araba held Maya’s hand in support.  At the touch, Maya broke down again.  “Araba,” she continued “for most part, I don’t even enjoy sex again since my second child was born!  All the things I used to enjoy before we had children, I don’t enjoy any more, and even the few times we had sex after the baby, the experience was painful.  He just went goes in and out and turns over to sleep.  Because of this, there seems to be an emotional distance between us which keeps on widening!”  The crying got louder.  “What can I do!? Am I not pretty...”  she got up and turned around..."I'm I not a woman?"  Why does he tend to think I don't want sex too...!!??

Maya’s situation is not an isolated case.  For most people who have been married for long time, this is something we go through from time to time.  There are some who have come to accept this situation as a norm in their marriages and live with their spouses as brothers and sisters, which by the way, should never be the situation!!.

Additionally, for most women, childbirth and age takes a mighty toll on our sex life.  As a woman grows, her body changes and the hormones that help her enjoy sex all start acting funny and making things a little more difficult for her.  This means that our men have to go the extra mile and the extra time to get us to enjoy sex, which unfortunately is a lot of work.

It’s been researched, that following are top of the list on sex-drive killers for married people, a list Maya found very informative:

• Poor Body Image;
• Babies;
• Stress;
• Alcohol;
• Marital Problems;
• Lack of Sleep;
• Obesity;
• Depression;
• Menopause;
• Lack of intimacy;
• Recreational drugs;

In the next few posts, I’d be picking some of the above sex-drive killers and giving my own brand of advice – Araba’s 411 - on how we can resolve them so as to enjoy sex in our marriages…

Stay tuned…