It was a Friday night and I laid on my bed counting the ceiling beams because loneliness will not leave me alone to enjoy life as I would want to. I thought of how nice it would be to go out to the  Moores and other interesting places to meet people, but someway somehow I was scared of going out, so I laid down until I fell asleep.

In my sleep, I dreamt that I had gone to the Moores and seen some beautiful things and was very happy. I woke up from my sleep and realized it was all a dream.

As usual, duty called so I had to prepare and go to work. I have always been  admired for work because of my sense of fashion and how seriously I took my work. But my colleagues always talk about how pretty I looked and I usually say they exaggerate it because I do not remember the last time any man proposed love to me. Guys who drew close to me were either not serious or not my type. At some point, I began to have a low self-esteem and began to look down on myself thinking I was not as pretty as they say.

Once I visited my friend Cindy, who was much older than me, to confide in her how my life had always been so boring and how I was not getting suitors. She looked at me and asked, "when was the last time you went out after your last relationship ended?" I stared at her and asked, "what has that got to do with what I’m telling you?" But my friend insisted that I have to go out sometimes, meet people and make new friends.

In fact, she made me promise that I will do that when I get time. I really thought deep about what she said and finally, I decided to give it a try. One Saturday afternoon I decided to go to the Moore alone. Immediately I sat in the car I said a word of prayer and drove off.

I got there and the first thing I did was to look for shops that sell clothing and accessories. I then went to buy ice cream and saw three guys sitting and staring at me. I began to go through my phone as usual whiles enjoying my ice cream. One of the guys walked up to me and asked, "can I join you?" I said yes without thinking about it. We started chatting. I got into it so deep, I did not realize it was getting late. The other guys came to alert the one with me that they had to go, so he left but promised to call me later that night.

I was very happy to have met a guy so I called my friend Cindy and screamed on the phone "you are right dear." That night, I laid on my bed waiting for his call, but after a while, I realized the call was not coming. Before I knew it, it was morning. I woke up with disappointment.

It was not the first time such a thing had happened to me. It slowed my day down a bit. I felt like something was wrong with me but I did know what. I wondered what guys did not like about me but I could not put a finger on the reason. So I devised a strategy to get people to tell me what they really thought of me. The responses did not point to anything that should drive men away from me. The lack of answers made me cry for many days and nights. This went on for years.

One Saturday at a funeral, I ran into a lot of my former schoolmates and friends who were married and some with kids. I became the topic of the day. They kept asking if I was married. I gathered courage and told them they will soon be hearing my wedding bells. But as usual, when I got home that evening, I fell on my bed in tears as if someone just gave me the beating of my life. It was a terrible feeling when I looked at myself and all I have acquired but could not find a man I could call my own.

I took a vacation for two weeks to cool off and enjoy myself in a new environment. I booked a hotel with a serene atmosphere. My plan was to mingle and make new friends. The hotel was cozy and romantic by all standards. I met quite a number of couples making the best of the moment and atmosphere but I had no one to share all that luxury with.

On the third day of my stay at the place, I bumped into a guy in front of the washroom. He nearly knocked me down. I was wondering if he was blind. He just walked away without saying sorry; I was shocked to my bones and stared as he walked away as if I was a lunatic. I could never believe a well-dressed guy like him could behave in such a manner. I was boiling up like crazy and started imagining what I will do to him if I should get hold of him. I went back to my hotel room to sleep because my day had been spoilt by this well-dressed ill-mannered guy.

Later that night I went to a restaurant in town to have supper and there was the idiot sitting comfortably and sipping a drink. Immediately I recollected the incident and lost my appetite instantly. Something told me to confront him and another said I should not mind him. Eventually, I sat down but did not order anything. I was so angry, I wished the guy could just disappear. I thought hard about how to revenge but I could not figure out how so I left, thinking there would be another opportunity.

The opportunity presented itself one beautiful morning when I met him at the restaurant again. I took a hot cup of tea and pretended to walk by to the next table. When I got close to him I dropped the tea and it landed straight on his laps. Though I did not like what I did, I wanted to know how he will react to it. To my utmost surprise, he never uttered a word but stood up quickly and went to the washroom. I stood there looking stupid and feeling sad I did such a thing. I watched as the guy came back and all I heard myself say was I’m so sorry. He looked at me, smiled and said don’t worry it was not your fault. He ordered for a new cup of tea for me and I could not believe it. Shamefully I sat at my table quietly and could not even sip the tea.

After everything I went and sat quietly under a tree thinking of what had happened, then I felt a warm arm around my shoulders; I turned and there the guy stood looking at me. He asks if he could join me.  I tried to apologize for what had happened but he stopped me by placing his finger on his lips and I understood. He engaged me in lengthy chat I would call "a verbal essay about myself", and that was the Genesis of a romantic affair between us. It was as if I had known him all my life and we spent most of our stay in that hotel together.

Sooner than later, my two weeks’ vacation was over and I had to return to Accra. It was difficult for me because I had just found love so fresh and I wanted to have a better and longer feel of it. I never knew love could change one's dreams until I fell deeply in love with the person I initially considered an enemy. Some way somehow we kept communication so tight and I never wanted to go anywhere without my phone to miss his calls. My demeanor and everything changed.

After some weeks, he promised to visit me. That day came real quick, and it was as if the whole world was coming to my house. I did virtually everything, cooking, cleaning and all you can think about. Eventually my Prince charming came and I received him like a king. Before he left, he asked me to marry him and I did not even think twice about it and said "Yes I will marry you".

It didn't take long for us to start planning our wedding. My parents did not like the idea of a quick marriage initially because I had not known this guy long enough and my family did not have time to investigate his background. But I was so much in love and my age also made my parent give me the benefit of the doubt.

On our wedding night, we chose one of the finest resorts in town to spend the night. I was so expectant and ready for action, but my husband kept to his laptop and did not even look at me. I tried to engage him but he did not mind me. I tried to find out what the problem was but he did not even look at me. I fell asleep in my pain that night, and for many nights to come because that is how my marriage has been till date. My husband and I never share any intimate moments. He goes out and comes back as and when he pleases, and acts as if I don’t exist.

I have not been able to gather the courage to tell anybody because I was warned earlier and did not listen. What surprises me is that my husband was all over me during our brief stint at the hotel we first met, so I can't fathom the sudden change, which has left me in such huge emotional torture showing all over my face and in everything I do.

I have prayed, fasted, waited on God but my husband has not been able to tell me why he is doing this to me. I continue to do my duties as a wife and do everything to make him come back to me but to no avail.
It was only recently I told my pastor about the situation and he promised to talk to my husband. I kept my fingers crossed waiting for the outcome of their meeting.

Later on, my pastor called me and told me that he moved heaven and earth to get my husband to open up. According to my pastor, my husband said he married me to punish me for what I did to him. I searched my heart and self to deduce what I had done to him but I could not place a finger on it.

I pleaded with my pastor to find out from him what I had done wrong because I was not sure. Finally, the truth was revealed that my husband said he is paying me back for pouring hot tea on him and pretending not to know what I did. According to him, he knows I did that deliberately in retaliation to what happened during our first meeting. What hurts him most was the scar he got from the hot tea burns, so he  thought of the worst way possible to punish me.

I almost fainted when I heard that because I was deeply in love with him. I have apologized so many times and through every means but the situation has never changed. I soak my pillow every night and look weary everyday but that does not mean anything to him.

Maybe I should have given his proposal a little thought before saying "yes" or otherwise because I did not know him that much at the time. Maybe I should have given our relationship a little bit of time to figure him out some more. Maybe if I had waited a bit, he would have eventually opened up even before we got married. All that is in the past now. I am now in a mess; I am still in love but it is really suffocating.

The bible teaches against divorce and adultery so those are not options for me. What do I do?