We marry character, not love – Counselor

A marriage counselor has questioned the sustainability of marriages contracted on the basis of “love at first sight.”

Smart Takyi argues that love is not a feeling but a character.

 “It is good to have feeling but what triggers it in the first place?  If the character is not right then what are you falling in love with?” He was speaking on Joy FM’s Super Morning Show Friday.

According to Takyi, it takes good character to make a marriage work.

Smart Takyi

Smart Takyi is the lead Coordinator of RAPID Ghana UK

Defining love from the lenses of scripture, he said true love according to 1 Corinthians 13, is patient and kind.

That is not all.

The lead Coordinator of RAPID Ghana UK adds that love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.

He argues that any love that is not based on these demonstrable attributes is a fluke. 

Available statistics indicate that marriages are failing.

Records at the Accra Metropolitan Assembly, between 2006 and 2013 show that a total of 4,080 divorce cases were recorded in Accra alone.

According to the Ghana Living Standards Survey Round 6 (GLSS6, p. 8), divorced and separated persons accounted for 5.6% of the population covering the period of census 2008-2013. This figure was higher in rural coastal (4.3%) than in Accra (3.6%; 2.3% reported in 2008) or other urban centres (3.9%).

But Smart Takyi has attributed these developments to a faulty understanding of what constitutes love by prospective couples. 

He says when challenging moments arise in a relationship it takes a great character to surmount them because  “Love never fails.” 

But not so with marrying out of feelings and emotions. 

Nobody can withstand an abusive relationship, unfaithful partner and one whose character is bad and questionable.

According to Smart Takyi even God cannot stand negative character despite His loving nature.

“The spirit of God can be grieved. And those who grieve the spirit of God may quench it or lose its presence.”