This article will be written as if the males are the abusers and the females are the victims, which is true according to research the majority of the time. However, if you are a male who is the victim or a female who is the perpetrator, please just swap the pronouns in your head.
It is easy to understand that emotional and physical abuse can be traumatic. It is also easy to understand that severe verbal abuse (i.e. yelling, name-calling) can be traumatic. However, there are more subtle types of verbal abuse that can be equally traumatic.
The abuser could be verbally abusing you consciously or unconsciously.
The underlying purpose of the abuse is often to make sure the abuser gets his way, stays in control, avoids being the vulnerable one, or can believe he is "right".
The victim of the abuse is often the more pliable of the two, trying to adapt and adjust to the relationship situation to make it work.
Here are three statements I've heard from victims of subtle verbal abuse:
1. "I don’t know, maybe he's right. Maybe it's me."
2. "I always feel like I am walking on eggshells around him."
3. "I always feel like I'm the crazy one."
RELATED: 3 Under-The-Radar Types Of Abusive Relationships To Watch Out For
One particular couple I was seeing was comprised of a very emotional female and a very repressed, yet successful male. She would express some very legitimate feelings about some real issues in the relationship (this was during the session). He deflected her important statements and made some complaints about her that also were true.
She got more agitated because he was not listening and then he said that this emotionality is what made him think of divorce. At that point, he looked at me and said: "You see the crazy person I live with?" And I responded: "Yes and I see the ‘crazymaking person’ she lives with."
As you can imagine, that was an interesting session that continued with the hope that this subtle verbal abuse (it was subtle until he called her crazy) would be recognized by him as provocative and unacceptable.
The verbal abuser has a hard time owning his stuff. The victim often takes too much responsibility for the relationship problems. If you recognize yourself as a victim or a perpetrator of subtle verbal abuse, do yourself a great favor and get some professional help.
Subtle verbal abuse can deprive both partners of a healthy and robust marriage. It saps the emotional and physical health of each person, especially the victim. It can trigger old wounds and deprive those involved of healthy self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can affect how people are in their other relationships and it can lower the chances of career and financial success. Please address this problem. There is a reason to hope.
Latest Stories
-
Director urges parents to protect children from abuse
12 mins -
Imani-Ghana criticises Akufo-Addo for not lauding Fourth Estate’s contribution to social development
20 mins -
Man remanded for allegedly stabbing businessman with broken bottle and screwdriver
45 mins -
Population in Kumasi Central Prison surges to 1800, threefold exceeding capacity
55 mins -
NPP to conduct La Dadekotopon parliamentary primary today
55 mins -
KPMG’s report on GRA and SML deal, government white paper on report and matters arising
55 mins -
I won’t reply to Chris Brown tour criticism – Ayra Star
57 mins -
British Columbia to back off drug decriminalisation project
1 hour -
Veteran commentator Joe Lartey Sr dies at 96
1 hour -
Livestream: Newsfile discusses KPMG report on SML deal, ILO on SSNIT reserves and NDC’s running mate
2 hours -
Ghanaian activist hugs over 1,100 trees in an hour to set Guinness World Records
2 hours -
Mathew Anim Cudjoe’s Dundee United promoted to Scottish Premiership after Championship win
2 hours -
NSMQ star Jochebed Adwoa Sutherland sweeps 12 awards at UG Vice-Chancellor’s Ceremony
2 hours -
Ghana’s Education Quality ranked 125 out of 183 countries in latest Global Youth Development Index
3 hours -
Emma Stone wants people to use her real first name
3 hours