I am vaccinated at least partially against Covid-19. Yaayyyy! Does that mean I can go around kissing everyone and everything?? Okay, okay, I’m not going to do that….yet.

So, out of the blue I get a phone call on a Sunday afternoon. I’m doing absolutely nothing, and it’s hot. Our clinic is administering vaccines I am told. But I am not eligible, based on the criteria I saw earlier. I am not over 60 (only my brain is), and my underlying health conditions are not mentioned on the list provided.

Still, I am told, you can get a vaccination. I thought the person on the phone said vacation and I got excited! I finally decided to go to our clinic, but only because there was ‘dumsor’ as soon as I ended the call. Seriously. I wonder if I would have gone if the power had stayed on. Sunday afternoon laziness is sweet paa, but only if the electricity is on.

On the other hand the wife and Daughter #1 and Son had been vaccinated in the first week, and Daughter #2 was not eligible, being under-18. So I was facing small pressure to ‘get mine’. In fact I am sure I heard whispers in my house that sounded very much like, ‘Let’s throw him out’, and ‘Can’t he sleep outside?’, and ‘Mum, don’t allow him in your bed’.

Yeah, yeah, I kept saying, I’ll get vaccinated. What’s your problem la?? The call to come to the clinic was therefore very welcome. Although….I must confess….the lady who called me is a nice chick paa, and she said she would be there when I arrived….I arrived, she was there. I approached the first point of call which is outside the building and under a canopy. No queue! I like this already.

They asked for my age first, and then my ID. At least they didn’t ask if I was a ‘white man’. A card was quickly and efficiently filled out with a couple of other details, and it was handed over to me to proceed to the next point, which was inside the building. This was a registration point apparently, and the young man asked me whether I had any underlying medical conditions. Since I hadn’t seen my particular conditions on the list, I gave him my other underlying medical condition: I’m married. He seemed to think this was hilarious. What makes him think I’m joking? Doesn’t he know that marriage is a condition? When I left him he was still convulsing with laughter. I noticed that he wasn’t wearing a wedding band….he will learn.

I go back outside where someone identifies me even though I’m wearing a mask. Don’t you hate that, especially when you can’t tell who it is? I approach a table with no queue, and I am asked to take seat. Where am I taking it to? Oh, I see, she means I should sit down. I raise the sleeve on my top. It’s my left arm, but why wasn’t I asked which arm I preferred? The seat is positioned in such a way that you must take the shot in your left arm. I object. Supposing I want the shot in my right arm, or my right thigh? I want to be asked.

One small prick in my left arm and I am done. I’m partially vaccinated? That’s it? A second dose in 8 weeks and I can thumb my nose at Covid-19? Actually, as I take another seat where I’m told to wait for ten minutes, I can see hordes of Covid-19 particles fleeing all around me. I look at them contemptuously. And I sit and wait for a reaction as my body absorbs the vaccine.

Later on some friends who had taken the shot earlier told me that I should have taken painkillers immediately after the shot. No, I said. Don’t you know I’m Champion Rami?? I was also told, after the fact, that I should have eaten before the shot. Well, that wasn’t a problem for me: I’m always eating, 24/7. As I sat there for the mandatory 10-minute wait, all I could think of was my next meal.

By the grace of God only, I did not have any adverse reaction to being vaccinated. There was a very slight achiness in my left arm, where the shot was administered, and an even slighter lethargy the next day. Although the lethargy was probably caused by a heavy late breakfast, now that I burp about it.

Fortunately I don’t have a picture of myself being vaccinated like everyone else seems to have. My left arm is not nice so I don’t take pictures of it. And it looks even worse when it is being jabbed with a very sharp point by a malicious looking woman (no she wasn’t).

I headed for home clutching my newly minted Vaccination Card in my sweaty hand. I can still drive! My wife was relieved and actually walked closer to me. I can still walk! My children stopped eyeing me suspiciously. And I could take to social media to announce the happy event.

But….wait….I can smell something. It’s like spinach blended with dead crabs. And I can see strange colours. Like a rainbow on steroids….or ganja. And animals, weird animals, five legs, seven tails, no head, yet smiling. My mouth fills with unidentifiable tastes, like a Covid-19 vaccination. How do I know what a vaccine tastes like?? Is my DNA changing right before my eyes??

buehgcikrjnjlnrfbkjkbr])*&%$££%^!!!!!!!????? I should be better in 8 weeks when I take the second shot….

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DISCLAIMER: The Views, Comments, Opinions, Contributions and Statements made by Readers and Contributors on this platform do not necessarily represent the views or policy of Multimedia Group Limited.