On the Valentine's day edition of the Super Morning Show, hosts Kojo Yankson and Mamavi Owusu-Aboagye were joined by Uncle Ebo Whyte to talk about three key issues that bother men, women and children in a relationship or family life, yet they are unable to talk about for fear of its consequences.

Building a family is not an easy thing, however, knowing some basic tips and putting them into practice can make life as a family better.

'Elephant in the room' is metaphorical idiom in English for an important or enormous topic, question, or controversial issue that is obvious or that everyone knows about but no one mentions or wants to discuss because it makes at least some of them uncomfortable and is personally, socially, or politically embarrassing, controversial, inflammatory, or dangerous.

For men, Uncle Ebo said one big elephant in the room, is how to talk about changes in the body shapes of their spouses or partners. He said this is due to the fact that women are very sensitive about such issues.

“One of the things not too many men can talk about is how much the women they married have changed, particularly the change in their bodies.

“It’s one of the things that when you talk about, that it seems unfair. It’s unreasonable to expect that the woman would be able to keep her shape after having children and all that, but there are women that as soon as they marry they let go of taking care of their looks. The things they used to do to look sharp, they no longer bother much to do that. But men are visual and they are attracted by what they see.  

He explained that due to the fact women are very sensitive about their looks and tend to worry about the changes in their shape, talking about such issues can create a rift in the relationship, hence, the silence of men on the subject matter.

“But the unfortunate thing is that if you don’t talk about it, it becomes more complicated,” he said.

He, thus, entreated men to address this issue together with their partners.

“They [partners] need to get together and work on this. Men need to understand that this is partly due to nature and they need help. In this case, you can go gymming together, [the man] can be the diet Police. Attempt to kill the elephant once. There will be pain but things will get better after that,” he said.

He touched on the fact that women don't enjoy sex when their men disrespect them or do not treat them right.

"A lot of women wish their men will know that sex is not just an act, it's communication, it’s a relationship. Women wish their men would know that romance is important; that’s preparing me emotionally and giving me signals that something is cooking, are all important. You don’t just ignore me as if I don’t exist and then when it's nighttime and I’m enjoying my sleep you begin to disturb me with sex.

He said women tend to lose interest when their partners are not doing things right.  

“Sometimes all women want is for their partners to talk about the issues with them. We may not resolve it but at least the fact that you acknowledge my pain affirms the feeling is not useless. It’s not just about the act. A lot of men don’t know this so with time what happens is that a lot of women begin to check out of sex. They give in to the men out of a sense of duty but not out of excitement.

For kids, he mentioned that the thought of their parents divorcing terrifies them a lot. He said this fear is often borne from conversations with peers who have suffered the effects of a broken home.

“Children are very interested in the marriages of their parents. They want our marriages to succeed, they want our marriages to last and they are always scared that their parents may not be able to sustain their marriages. And they are scared because they have seen the effects of that in the lives of their friends through conversations.

“They have seen the effects of dysfunctional homes in peers and they begin to wonder ‘Will daddy and mummy remain together forever or will they part ways?’ And this thought comes a lot when their parents don’t tend to get along well, especially in cases when the parents try to keep them from seeing that they are having issues, they sense it and because no one is talking about it, they get even more scared. ‘Am I going to have stepparents soon?’ they begin to ask and this scares them so much, it makes them lose focus in life. It affects their academic performance, they lose interest in everything and sometimes they even get rebellious.

He, thus, entreated parents to work it out when things go wrong in the marriage and assure the kids that everything will be okay.