Opinion

Beatrice Adu writes: The F perspective

Female, we are mostly described as the weaker vessels. Today, I’ll share some of what our brothers have found difficult to understand about us. It’s interesting how our brothers think it will take forever to understand us. In fact, I’ve seen some social media messages making the rounds in the form of a BIG book that contains principles to understand women. Funny.

Today, I’ll define the word FEMININE in a way you probably might not have ever thought of. And I believe after these beautiful but short meanings in each letter, you would appreciate us…okay me. Well, and see how simple we are.

The F, I chose to call it- Our Fears

No matter how we appear before you, there’s always some sort of fear that want to keep us from really letting you know who we really are. We are delicate and we know that. We could be so naïve that we take your word for it even when we know it is risky for our hearts and lives. We want to be sure that you’ll keep it safe when we show you how soft we are. But when you don’t take your time to want to know us, then we shrink back into our shelves because we fear you could break our hearts and mending it takes  a lot of time and efforts plus those sleepless nights and loss of appetites. We ask; can I be sure that if I show this man I cry over these things or that I fear when it comes to doing A, B or C, he wouldn’t mock or criticize me?

E-Our Emotions

A lot of the time, we know what we’re worth and what we can do and want but our emotions get in the way. Our ups and downs coupled with some disappointments have made us so; and also sometimes it’s because of how we are raised. We are known to handle emotions that our brothers can’t. When we show emotions, it is not time to criticize us but in a way either sympathize or empathize with us or leave us alone if you cannot do either of the two. Yes, our emotions show you how weak we could be but it’s also a sign of how strong we are. That we could’ve chosen other damning alternatives but we chose to show our emotions. Showing our emotions doesn’t mean we’re irrational.

M- Our Mission

We have assignments. We have a purpose for living as well as you do. It’s not just about meeting you, falling in love, getting married and having children. If that was what our lives were about, it would be disastrous I think. We do have a purpose. I’ll take my time here to explain because this is so dear to me. There are two purposes; one for this earth and the other for the kingdom of God. The earthly purpose include, I think going to school, getting your degrees, masters, whatever, getting a good job and living a good life. The spiritual one, which a lot of people abandon are the different callings- It could be in whatever area.

Now, if we meet the men we think we’re so madly in love with, we also want to be sure that they’re willing to help us be whatever God’s purposed us to be. I know the Holy book says we are helpmates but as we help you to attain what you’ve been called to-earthly and spiritual, don’t you think we should also be pursuing that which He’s called us into?

Marriage and motherhood are ministries on their own but beyond these, there’s a greater purpose. Are you that man who would also encourage us to pursue our dreams? So we don’t have to completely abandon who we are just to be with you? Must we not have a sense of purpose? Shouldn’t you be proud that beyond being your helpmates we are pursuing our dreams?

It is fascinating how some of our brothers think that their ego is properly handled when the women in their lives abandon who they are and what they’re meant for to fully follow them without any sense of purpose. So, God forbid. But the moment they lose these men either through death or divorce, that becomes the end of their lives.

And so before we entrust our lives with you, we want to be sure that with you, our purposes and missions are secured. Yes, there will be compromises just to ensure that we are both happy but it shouldn’t be to our detriment to make only you eternally happy and fulfilled.

 

I move on to I- I’ll caption it Importance

We want to have that sense of importance. Don’t only see us as important when we wash your clothes or clean the house or when you want to prove to your friends that you have beautiful, intelligent and smart women in your home. We want to feel so important even in the little things that we do. The little thing as the whatsapp messages we send to check up on you or to tell you we love you.

We polishing your shoes after work and getting your next dress ready for work and ensuring your socks are neatly kept in your shoes so when you wake up you wouldn’t struggle to look for them. When we wake up and get the children ready for school. Now it’s hard to know that you’ll appreciate all of these before we agree to spend the rest of our lives with you, but at least before we say we do, we want to be sure you’ll be that man.

 

There I come again on the word naïve. That’s for N-NAÏVE. We could be naïve.

And I think that’s what makes us beautiful and increases your ego. Because then, you’re able to teach us things we never knew. But that has also caused some of our brothers to take advantage of us. We know we could be so vulnerable because of our naivety and so we hide from you. We want to be sure that you’ll protect us when we let you see through our hearts. We want to be sure you’re not in for us because of what we’ve achieved or have not; but because you truly appreciate who we are.

 

I- Integrity. We live with integrity.

We don’t want to be like every other person. But don’t judge us with the standards of some of our sisters. We are not perfect but at least we’ve got principles we live by. We don’t think all of you are the same so why do you think that we girls are all the same? It hurts us so bad when you brand us as the same. The fact that Ama, Adjoa and Akua are doing what you see as wrong doesn’t mean every other person is doing it. We have chosen to live with integrity.

Please study us well. We are not perfect. We’ve also made mistakes. But we want to be sure that if you’re coming into our lives, you will cherish the principles we’ve chosen to live by. They have made us. We are not ‘hard’. We are only living as we’ve trained ourselves to live. These principles make us better.

 

N-Noncommittal. This word has a lot of meanings. A few include reserved, cautious, discreet and evasive. The fact that we love to show our emotions doesn’t mean that it is all the time that we want to let you know what’s going on. There’re times we want to be ‘evasive’ as it were. Not because there’s something to hide from you, but because we’ve chosen to be reserved.   

 

E- Exposure

In as much as we want to be reserved, we cherish exposure as well. Sometimes you may see some of our actions as over the board but they’re not meant to destroy us, we just want to have a little fun.

 

So, I defined FEMININE in a way you probably didn’t think of. I talked of our Fears, Emotions, Missions, Importance, Naïve, Integrity, Noncommittal, and Exposure.

 

But we are also aware we have to work on ourselves to become better. Together with you we can. You can help us improve the meaning of FEMININE in our lives. We know deep down in our hearts that we are Fearless, Empowered, Missionaries, Important, Nonpareil, Incandescent, Nursing and Elegant.

 

We want you. We need you. We never said you weren’t needed or important? No way. We could never say that. But in as much as we know you’re our lords, we also believe our relationship could be better if it were more of equal partners on a beautiful course than master and a slave.

 

Yours truly…

Signed-All beautiful girls, ladies, women

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