Michail Antonio says he had to "swallow his ego" after his near‑fatal car crash as he prepares to make his first club appearance in 15 months.

The 35-year-old striker, who has joined Qatari side Al‑Sailiya, says owners of English clubs were wary of signing him following his accident in December 2024, which left him with multiple leg fractures.

He returned to competitive action with the Jamaica national team with three substitute appearances in June - his only football since the crash.

But Antonio told BBC Sport he "feels like a schoolboy again" as he looks to prove his fitness during his spell in the Qatar Stars League.

Antonio says he still has "so much love" for West Ham, for whom he played 323 games and became their all‑time Premier League top scorer with 68 goals, but was disappointed he did not get the chance of even a final substitute appearance in a home friendly.

He says he ultimately was not wanted by the manager Graham Potter and describes his exit in August as "a hard pill to take".

"I've still got the qualities I had in the Premier League for the past 10 years," said Antonio. "It shows, because every single manager was putting a contract in front of me once I trained with them.

"But there were managers and clubs who refused to look at me because of what happened - the accident, the injury. Some owners went against it. In football, the manager can want you, but it's the owner's money.

"My agent kept calling clubs, and the same thing happened - clubs wanted me to train first. With the ego I had, I said 'I'm not coming to train. You've seen me play with Jamaica, you've seen my past 10 years. I shouldn't have to train to get a contract.' Clubs said, 'If you don't train, we won't sign you.

"After staying at West Ham, training with the under-21s and going away with Jamaica again, my agent said 'you're going to have to train, prove your fitness.'

"I had to swallow my ego - that's how I ended up at Brentford. I trained with them for two weeks."

The comeback trail

Antonio shattered his femur in four different places after his Ferrari spun off the road and crashed into a tree in Epping Forest during Storm Darragh.

Antonio, who was supported by West Ham throughout his rehabilitation, reiterates that he does not remember the crash and says his "family lived it more".

He details how he had to learn to walk, then run and jump again, adding: "The hardest part wasn't the recovery. It was the knockbacks for me."

The forward held talks with Brentford and Leicester City over proposed transfers but those deals did not materialise.

He said: "When I found out I'd torn my calf the day before signing for Brentford, I laid in bed for two days.

"First day, I was just crying. The second day, I just didn't want to get out of bed. I thought, 'I'm back where I want to be, I'm back in the Premier League'. And then it happened again with Leicester.

"I was meant to return to Leicester, but they didn't want me back in because they didn't want a relapse on their books. So I trained alone for a week and then went into Charlton."

Antonio held exploratory talks with the Championship club over a pay-as-you-play deal before choosing to move to Qatar instead.

Mental resilience has always been a theme of Antonio's career, having been rejected by the likes of Brentford and Queens Park Rangers as a teenager, needing to go from non-league Tooting and Mitcham in south London, aged 12 to 18, to the Premier League by climbing the English football pyramid.

"It wasn't until I was going through a divorce that I started therapy," he said. "Therapy made me realise there are a lot of things you experience in life, but you never really live the moments. Like with Leicester - I was numb to it, but numbing isn't dealing with it.

"Not until you speak to someone - not someone who gives their opinion, but someone who helps you understand what's going on - that's when you realise these moments are key."

Qatar move not about money

Antonio says his move to Qatar only came about last Monday following a call from Jamaica team-mate Mason Holgate, who plays for Al-Sailiya.

Holgate was asked by manager Mirghani Al Zain if he knew anyone who might be available on a free after an injury to their first-choice striker - and Antonio came to mind.

Despite a deal with Charlton being "basically done", according to the ex-Hammers forward, he was soon persuaded to make the switch.

Antonio's two‑month contract gives him the chance to reassess his future in the summer, with Jamaica still capable of qualifying for the World Cup through March's play-offs. For now, though, he says he is not thinking ahead.

"Whatever happens in the summer, happens," he added. "I need to focus on the first goal, playing games and being fit. If I stay fit, I'll perform and score goals. I feel like the best possibility of staying fit is out here rather than playing Tuesdays and Saturdays."

Antonio was also asked by BBC Sport about Qatar's human rights record and whether he had thought about it when agreeing to the move.

"To be honest, I don't really know what type of criticism people are talking about, but since I've been here - and I've been here during Ramadan - it's been all right for me," he replied.

"From my experience, and from the people I've spoken to, they've really enjoyed it here."

The smell of the grass, the anticipation of matchday and the fight for three points: it has been a long time since Antonio has had those experiences in club football.