Akwetey Police Bonglo

Akwetey Police Bonglo
Source: Mawuli Zogbenu | uselesscolumn.wordpress.com
Date: 25-01-2019 Time: 01:01:21:pm

S.O – ‘so’, G.O –‘so’ T.O – ‘So’! Everything – ‘So’! Hahahaha! Today +233 go jorm roff with JOY FM’s poems and rhymes! I am expecting to see Sonny Rocky (aka Solomon Owusu) and some other tough poetic guys I know including Dr Teddy Totimeh of the Korle Bu Teaching Hospital! It’s unfortunate Dr Evans Kpamma Zoya, the Dean of Engineering of Sunyani Technical University is not in town to show us class! Prof be too moch since I got to know him some 22 years ago – very poetic by nature! I heard he added to these poetic skills from Notre Dame SHS; that school in the North that every student is a sharp-brain!They are usually very unassuming guys but them know book roff!

Indeed this is the only column that would make you feel nauseous and at the same time make you neither happy nor sad. It may sadden you but make you giggle a little bit! It is the worst thing to ever happen to conventional journalism. The writer has never been serious with any serious business especially if it is not serious! It would make you feel like never to read this again but that would be a choice you may never regret regretting. This column is the only reason online news portals get busier on weekends but nobody reads it! It is the only column that makes the dog say ‘it is for the sake of avoiding speculations that I have sex outside in the open for everybody to see and bear me witness’.  It is the only column that if you fail to read, you would not feel like reading anything again until you read it but remember…please DON’T READ! Abstract stuff nkoaaaaa! Hahahahahahaa! I finish my poem!

Yes it is January 25th - we have reached that point of endurance march! Ala! If you still have more than GHC120 in your account as of this morning, please investigate yourself! Everybody is just ‘managing’ and getting angry with themselves for nothing. Drivers insulting each other ‘by hat’ on the road for no offence – don’t mind them. It is that ‘extreme poverty’ characteristic of the season!

I suwear, if anybody kidnaps me around this time thinking they would get some ransom from my family, they would just be wasting their time! God will just deal with them!Where are myfamily people going to get the money from? Those of us who accept lifts from unknown people, let’s be careful o, yoo! The same applies to those of us who offer lifts to especially unknown people!

Anyway today if you see any group of people declaring 5 days of fasting and prayers with effect from today January 25th, abeg don’t take some of them seriously; it may be a cover-up – converting poverty into a spiritual exercise! Only God knows their hearts! In my own case, I do half day; you think it is a spiritual exercise? You don’t know!It’s super economic planning! Hmm!

If you pay attention to land troubles in Accra, you would probably remain a tenant for life. I am sure I told you about the house I was building at Oyibi. I have completed oo. Clap for me er! But I am sad. These ‘hw3so mami’ (aka care-takers of buildings under construction) would not let me move in oo. My landlord is also on my heels to pay rent advance of GHC12,000 for two years.  This one too, you have pulled out your mobile phone calculator to check the monthly rent. Oh! Immediately can’t you tell the monthly rent is GHC500? Anyway, continue calculating. You are only weakening your phone battery. Where am I going to get this GHC12,000 from? After all, I have a house too but can’t move into my own house.

Hmmm. Akwetey was a labourer who worked with some masons at the foundation stage of my house. He has 5 children who have very good appetite for food. His wife sells rice water at Abokobi junction.

They were being ejected and wanted a place to sleep and out of pity and magnanimity, I offered one of my fairly completed rooms for them to sleep albeit temporarily. Akwetey was a down to earth man; very respectful and helpful.

Though poor, he and his wife had time to entertain each other and consequently made 2 more babies within 3 years. I added one more room to accommodate them as they also served as ready security at the place.

The day I announced to Akwetey that I wanted to move in in 3 months’ time, he was visibly disturbed even though I had offered to support him with rent elsewhere. He suddenly became unfriendly towards me and even refused to pick my calls. Ei! Has it gotten to that? I wondered.

I visited the site 3 weeks after my announcement on a weekday and was surprised to see some people around the place negotiating with someone on phone how much the house was going for. Ei. ‘Please who are you and what brings you here?’ They mentioned Akwetey Police as the one they spoke with on phone who claimed ownership of the house. Ei is that the price to pay for having mercy on people who need help?

I called him and his phone was off.

On Sunday I visited the site after church only to see a supposed man of God casting out demons in the house and guess who the chief demon was – Mawuli Zogbenu la ah!  Hmmm.

I later got to know Akwetey Police secured a loan from a financial institution using my house as the collateral and was not even repaying.

I tried to forcibly eject him. He called the Police. Then I understood why he is called Akwetey Police. The Police didn’t see the head or tail of anything and only advised him to vacate the place by my 3-month notice. Ei. My own house oo!

That was not all. On the painted walls of the living room were graffiti some of which read as follows: ‘If God be for us, no Mawuli can eject me from this house’, ‘The Devil is a liar’, ‘I shall live in my father’s house forever no matter what’. (Here I wondered if I was the one who gave birth to him and his 7 children), ‘Leaving this house is a matter of life and death’, etc…very life threatening messages in graffiti!

One Tuesday evening I was so determined to show him my true colours. After all, crazy takashi begets legitimate takashi from a crazy Kisseman boy! I got to the house and there was nobody. I was so relieved and thought that was it – they have probably ejected themselves. I tried to open the main door with my master key; it refused to open for it’s been changed. Whaaat! I used force and entered the room. Before my eyes was a frog tied with some red and black bands with chocolate and pepper in its mouth right in the middle of the living room on a stand on which they have been placing mosquito coils at night.

Eish! I called my Pastor because I was scared, trust me. My wife started praying there and then. These are the only times that I find her very useful. Hahahahahai! Otherwise this is how she would normally go: ‘I don’t like this burglar proof, change it’, ‘I prefer Spanish floor tiles to China ones; change them’…but her money doesn’t change these things oo. Her money changes shoes and dresses. Finish! Some of these our women…they don’t thinkabout the things we men think about oo. For example, while a man is thinking of how to undress that girl selling mobile money behind his house, his wife is thinking of how the children would go to the best schools in town…using the man’s money anyway and sometimes their own. Ao! Hmmm!

Where was I mpo? Yes oo, we were in the prayerful mood when a battalion of a wounded family budged in to the room almost chasing us out. Hw3so Mami??? Don’t try it oo.

Finally, I managed to throw Akwetey Police out of my house which he has made his ‘bonglo’ and my small boy suddenly fell sick and no doctor could diagnose the sickness but thanks be to God he recovered later. Be there and think you are the only one who likes doing good; you can suffer for it!

The best is to just get the services of someone who can be coming and going back to his or her home. But to let him or her stay in there can be suicidal. I have heard others who suggested using relatives as ‘hw3so mami’ and their stories were never told because they never lived to tell their unpleasant stories.

Hw3so Mami?…don’t go there because it is one of the deepest graves you can ever dig for yourself without knowing. Drop the sentiments and be seen as Mr Wicked or Ms Wicked now and save your life and those of your family!

Greetings o Senior, Mrs Faustina Harding (aka Faustina Bawa). I was so happy to see you last Saturday at former GRIDCO Boss, Ing. William Amuna’s mother’s funeral! It was more like a family reunion! Faustie was my senior from Anunmle through to Achimota and when she had to serve any punishment meted out to her, she would transfer it to me especially if it was about weeding and digging!Woe unto me if I didn’t! Hahaaaa!

Those were the memorable good old days in the Grey City, you know! Happy weekend and hope to see you and your husband at +233 today to scatter poems la ah! Hahahahaaaa!



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