The colour theme of the wedding,

The type of wedding dress and whether we should buy or make it,

How many bridesmaids and grooms men are we having?

The tiers of the wedding cake,

Shall we have a dress code for the guests?

How many caterers are we engaging and who is handling what?

How many guests are we inviting?

Should the traditional marriage be held the same day as the white wedding?

Shall we have a church, garden or a destination wedding?

How many men of God are we inviting and who is playing what role?

Who is our guest musician?

Who else is functioning in what role from opening prayer through to the order of photography to the vote of thanks, closing prayer and everything in between.

The questions are endless...

The best part of these endless questions are that, they all get answered. They are answered to the last detail and practical solutions found to each and every one of them with "Plan B".

We take time off work to plan and sometimes hire the best event planners to ensure that we have a seamless and a near perfect day...

This is what we call preparation. In film school, one of the key principles of planning is that "if it does not on appear on the paper, it will most likely not appear on the screen." To wit, if you don't plan for it, it may never be executed. Your planning is directly proportional to your level of success.

Why then do we refuse to plan for the marriage itself?

Why do we see the marriage as the end of the journey instead of the beginning of it? It is a life-long journey that requires adequate preparation and planning.

But for the three to six months mandatory marriage counselling classes that churches have instituted, most marriage hopefuls do not focus on the deep conversations that will ensure the success or otherwise of the marriage. Even then, people skip the classes as many times as they can. They find it boring and time consuming. They only see it as a formality to be completed ahead of the wedding and they just do not take it seriously. You cannot afford not to be fully equipped with the knowledge and wisdom required to be successful on that journey.

Do you know that people have totally lost themselves because of marriage?

Do you also know that promising lives and futures have been derailed because of marriage?

I know people who are suffering various health challenges because of marriage.

There are a lot of people who have suffered permanent disabilities because their partners have abused them to the point of impairment.

I know some who are battling very serious mental health challenges and some who have sadly passed on.

Studies have linked sound mental health to happy relationships, marriages and homes. It has been propounded that, happy couples tend to have better mental health because they mutually support each other through whatever challenges they may be dealing with.

Other reasons that have been linked to sound mental health and happy relationships are feeling safe and secure because of the dependability of the couple on each other. Better physical health, encouragement, respect and fairness, better communication and understanding as well as good sex and intimacy have all been linked to sound mental and happy relationships. Why are we not spending time to learn and build these things and more for the longevity and the sustenance of the marriage?

Have you answered the ‘who am I’ and ‘who will compliment’ me question?

Have you been honest with yourself to accept your weaknesses and the areas you need to improve?

Are you, as an individual, sure you are ready to settle down considering the fact that you both come from different backgrounds and that you will be doing a lot of compromising?

Are you healthy enough?

Are you financially comfortable such that you can take care of the family if your partner has financial issues?

Have you done that self-introspection to access your personal readiness?

Preparing for marriage starts with you. Not with finding the other person.

When you are certain and ready then you can begin your search or intensify whatever relationship you are in and then begin to work at your lives together.

Planning the wedding is great but planning and preparing for the marriage is pertinent. Dedicate time to learn and plan for the marriage so you can enjoy it.

Enjoy your marriage. Don't endure it.

I take this opportunity to invite you to our Joy Family Forum dubbed "Becoming Mr. & Mrs." - All you need to know before marriage. A singles breakfast meeting on the 12th of August 2023, at the Best Western Plus Hotel, Nungua from 6am-10am.

Tickets including breakfast are going for GHȼ150 per head and GHȼ250 cedis for two. Please call, sms or WhatsApp 0592-88-99-86 for your reservations.

Edem Knight-Tay is Programmes Director and host of Home Affairs at Joy 99.7 FM.
She is strong-willed, confident, empathetic, results-oriented and a strong advocate for thriving families. She has been married for 19 years with four adorable children.
Edem has been a media practitioner for about two decades working in various capacities.She lives by the Biblical principles of “love your neighbour as yourself” and “do unto others what you would like them to do unto you.”
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