Today’s date is 29th February 2020.
Yesterday was 28th February 2020.
Yes, I’m clever like that.
Yesterday was also the tenth anniversary of my second heart attack. I’m going to pause for a second and think about that myself. Ten years since I suffered a second heart attack ten days after the first one. It still sounds incomprehensible to me. Because I was more frightened at that time of my life than I have ever been. It’s not a good feeling.
Go and find the posts on this blog titled Why Have One Heart Attack When You Can Have Two? There are three of them (the posts, not the heart attacks) and you can read all about these cardiac events I’m grateful for.
Life after two myocardial infarctions. What can I say?
Unfortunately, I am still trying to find my purpose. I thought after surviving the heart attacks it would come to me in a flash of blue light (or any other colour really). It hasn’t. And I confess that there are days when I find that depressing. So what am I still hanging about for if I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing? Surely I can’t say that God has spoken to me and I haven’t heard or understood, can I? Has He?? Ei……
But I have been assured by a good friend: “He hasn’t emptied the toonoo out of you yet….till it’s all out you’re not welcome in Heaven.” (Sefakor Lassey) Now I can sleep….
It’s been a roller-coaster ride since February 2010, I can’t deny that. I have fluctuated between euphoria (I’m alive!!), the depths of despair (I’m alive??), and a scary neutral ground (what is alive???). I have had periods of total panic when my wild and crazy imagination has told me that it’s happening again. I have had periods when I need to remind myself that something weird and horrible happened inside my chest….twice.
I cannot begin to tell you how much this blog has worked for me since it’s inception in 2017, speaking from a cardiac point of view. You thought I was writing for you?? Fat chance (emphasis on fat)! It’s all been about me! It has been cathartic, pleasurable, and just downright sweet writing a post every week. It is truly good for my heart, and indeed it is better than sucking my thumb (as I recall).
I have tried to be a good boy where my health is concerned, but I have not always been successful. My weight, in particular, has fluctuated quite badly. To the point where at the moment it seems to be fluctuating in only one direction!
When it comes to my medications I have been quite religious. Taking pills stopped being a problem since I was about ten years old. I think that was when I overcame my fear of swallowing the medicine. So when I was told, after the cardiac incidents, that I would be on medication for the rest of my life….well, better than the alternative, isn’t it?
So, what’s different about me since the heart attacks? Well, I find that I follow my instincts a bit more closely. I don’t why though. It’s just a feeling. I tend not to wear my heart on my sleeve as obviously as I used to, because it does NOT make for a good sleeve ornament. And don’t you think I’m sexier now?? I’ve never been sexy?? Who said that?? Well, according to some….I’m an international sex symbol. Ask.
I also started my Miracle journal where I record the miracles that happen in my life. It feels good to write them down and then read them again sometime. (No one else will ever read it.) I need to remind myself constantly about the grace and mercy of God. If I never experience another miracle in my life again (an impossibility), I would never stop giving thanks for the miracle of surviving two heart attacks. Oh yes, and I joined the Full Gospel Business Men’s Fellowship International. That has made a difference in my life, and especially the time that I spend with God. Oh, and I tend to shut up much easier during arguments now (it’s true). 2 different beds in Korle-bu tends to give you perspective like that, take it from me.
Food? Yes! A wonderful word! Diet? Oh no! A truly vulgar word. I still have major problems with being a foodie. Problems? Well, let me illuminate the issue: there are nights when, on some poultry farms in Accra, I swear, chickens hold a prayer vigil because of me!
Oh, I’ve become prone to turning off the music in my car when I’m driving and speaking to God. It doesn’t seem right when the music is on, but it feels very intimate when it’s silent and I can (hopefully) hear God’s voice.
Do you think hospitals have memories? Do you think if I turned up at Cardio (Korle-bu), or at the Medi-Heart Clinic in Pretoria, would the hospital say, “Oh, it’s you again! We remember that heartbeat!” But, speaking of memories, some of them can be overwhelming. I was watching a sitcom on DVD the other day, and a major character had to have heart surgery. I found that after a couple of minutes I couldn’t watch it anymore. The whole illness, diagnosis, waiting, admission, waiting, surgery process, waiting, was just too much for me. Too close to home I guess.
I was going to do a whole thing about thanking everyone personally, but my heart isn’t big enough. And it’s lost a bit of rhythm….have you ever seen me dance?!
Still, I need to say a very warm thanks to all those who have kept me going spiritually. You know yourselves because you have a very special place in my broken heart. In fact, maybe I should throw you all out and take on rent-paying friends….
But a certain woman at Primrose Pharmacy and my two angels, Albert and Josephine, need to be mentioned. They have literally kept my heart pumping especially in terms of medication. Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s blood that’s running through my heart and my veins (feels like chocolate sauce honestly). It feels good though.
And my long-suffering wife, Baaba, my children, and my sisters and brothers. How you have tolerated this heart for so long is nothing short of miraculous. May my heart always be strong enough to harbour all the love I feel for you.
I’ve struggled with thanking God enough. How much is enough? What is beyond enough? Not a clue have I. So I just say “Thank you God” all the time. I think I hear Him hearing me. And that’s enough. I pray none of us needs the benefit of a near-death experience to be reminded how blessed we are to be alive.
There’s some chocolate calling me. Should I resist? Well….my blood’s been flying through my arteries lately. I’ve even survived using Glo….and there are days when I am pretty sure I can feel a halo around my big head.
Even the very hairs on my head are all numbered….(slightly altered from Matthew 10, 30). Ok, there’s not a lot of hairs on my head….but still.