When you’re falling in love with a man, it’s natural to want to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier, and smarter in hopes that he’ll fall in love with you too, and be in a relationship.

Focusing on what a man wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to do, but it’s the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic about you.

He may feel appreciative when you do things like make plans, offer advice, runs errands, or gives gifts. But sometimes this behavior overwhelms him, makes him withdraw, or sees you as just a good friend.

Here are some tips to inspire his romantic side instead.

Here are three ways to make him obsessed — guaranteed:

1. Don’t give a man more than he gives you.

Inspiring a man to fall for you is all about you being able to receive love.

A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, and gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.

Don’t pay for dates, either. The moment you pay for a date, you turn into a “friend” in his mind.

2. Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed.

Being exclusive and sexually monogamous with a man without a “forever” commitment from him puts you in a tough place emotionally. You become completely invested in him because he has all your time and attention.

There’s no way you can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more you wonder about it, the more you push a man away.

Rather than talking about the relationship or threatening him with ultimatums, you can continue to keep your options open by dating other men. This way, you keep your class, your power, and your boundaries, and he has to work to get you!

3. Don’t plan dates.

You want to plan the date because you’re uncomfortable with him possibly being clueless. However, you’ll never know what a man is capable of until you let him do what he does, even if that’s nothing.

The amazing thing is that once you get comfortable with your own boundaries and feelings, you can just let a man be who he is and then determine whether or not you want to be with him. This attitude shifts your vibe so dramatically that a man will jump hurdles to be with you.

A woman who can respect a man enough to not try to “pick up the slack” for him is the woman he falls in love with.