Counselling Psychologist and ADR Practitioner, Counsellor Perfect, has advised couples to prioritise their partners’ actual desires over assumptions in marriage in order to avoid conflict.

She made the remarks on an episode of Let’s Talk on Joy Prime on Tuesday during a discussion on gifting, generosity and love languages in long term relationships.

According to her, misreading a spouse’s needs and values often leads to resentment and, eventually, breakdowns in marriage.

“In marriage, you do what your partner wants, but not what you think your partner will be okay with,” she stated.

Counsellor Perfect explained that assumptions about preferences create emotional disconnects, as partners tend to project their own expectations onto each other instead of listening.

She noted that true harmony in marriage requires direct and honest conversations to uncover a spouse’s authentic wants and preferred love language, which helps foster mutual satisfaction.

The counselling psychologist also urged couples to unlearn certain ideas of love shaped by their upbringing and environments, and to consciously learn new ones to make their unions more fulfilling.

“You like acts of service and your partner wants gifts. So give the gifts and let her give acts of service to you.

If you don’t understand that, it’ll reach a point where your partner thinks you’re not showing them love”

Counsellor Perfect concluded by reminding couples that there are different love languages, advising them to love their partners in the way their partners best receive love, rather than loving wrongly and breeding resentment.