Ghana Jollof, originally a state cuisine, has suddenly entered partisan politics, and could tip the scales if one party decides to swear an affidavit changing its name to ‘Ghana Jollof Party.’ Their symbol could be simple: Jollof Rice with bow-legged fried plantains!

The demand for Jollof rice has boomed overnight across the country this September, one party salivating and brandishing jollof as they advance towards their party elections early October, and tourists exercising caution at restaurants in their choice of jollof, fearing possible deportation if they make the wrong call for Jollof.

Were you surprised hearing unconfirmed reports that our Jubilee House had revised its menu card, replacing ‘Jollof Rice’ with ‘Waakye’ to dissociate itself from a social media terror who carried the name ‘Ghana Jollof.’ To boldly display jollof on a state menu perhaps amounted to glorifying a ‘despicable’ persona who of late vilifies JDM and his Government: subjecting them to vulgar abuse and tearing them apart.

Call ‘Ghana Jollof’ a faceless woman of venom who targets celebrities in Government and reduces them to garbage. In reality though the verbal terror could simply be an anonymous counterfoil to social Injustice.

Specializing in vulgar abuse, she has hurled venom at the presidency and associated units, breathing hard on perceived scandals in high places. ‘Ghana Jollof’ cuts lofty Government personalities to size with words that are too weighty for civilized lips.

References to the nether parts of the human anatomy are neither hushed nor muted, but amplified with gory details, sometimes degrading motherhood and the sacred sites of reproduction. These are not festival insults nor vulgarisms often defined by time and space; but free range ‘maledicta’ profusely splashed and celebrated by a social media that glorifies the bizarre.

If this is rather unusual for a polite society like Ghana, please consider the following explanation by ‘Ghana Jollof’ herself about what has driven her sordid outbursts:

“The Holy Bible we all know condemns injustice (atɛnkyea). The Bible itself denounces bearing false witness…We were all in this town, when KT insulted all manner of men..: dignified pastors, politicians, churches, judges, virtually all manner of people. He took on women, journalists, celebrities: ‘this one is ugly…this one has no behinds, you are like this, like that…' When he starts insulting women, he goes all out: ‘I will display your underpants,’ etc.

He insulted the courts and judges in 2020 and a court warrant was issued for his arrest while NPP was in power. When the NDC took over, the Supreme court set aside the arrest warrant and freed him. After that he resumed his insults on virtually anybody. One pastor came and confessed that he himself helped the NDC to bury 32 cows to ensure electoral victory in 2024. No one arrested him. Yet when one lady from the opposition quoted the pastor’s word, she was rather arrested and is currently in jail for a year… Was this fair? That’s what infuriates me and brings me to my feet.

“If the Bible will not be obeyed, let’s all join the insults; perhaps that could change the situation. Kelvin has indulged in insults for years… It’s my intention here to simply demonstrate that we also know their secrets…, so they can feel the pain of being at the receiving end of insults. We are all Ghanaians.

We all contributed to building this nation with our taxes. Why are some people treated differently from others? We are facing racism abroad; why should we return home to face the same discrimination? That is why I have jumped to my feet; it is to enable them empathize. Nobody has hired me to do this; neither has anyone ever spoken to me. But I am not despaired…I only want to demonstrate that ‘you end up tasting your own poison if you seek to poison others.’

The Bible has said ‘Parents, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up to the training of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) .’ What JDM has done is to provoke his children to anger. If the church will join hands with the Peace Council, and together with JDM get Kelvin to cease fire, I will also cease fire…”

Those are the words of ‘Ghana Jollof,’ in a solemn broadcast in the Social Media. She seeks a collective search by civil society for justice. But all is not lost. Let Kelvin stop the booming war drums (kukrukukru), and the jingling echoes (kekɛkekɛ) will naturally cease.

Ghana, let’s work together to restore decency in the social media, and regain the unifying flavor of our great national cuisine. We extend this plea to JDM, ‘Father for All.’ Not JDM: ‘President of the National Democratic Congress.’

'Monkye no'

Mekɔ!

kyankah@ashesi.edu.gh