Violence in relationships is something that has been highly condemned.
Often, when people (mostly women) are subjected to violence in their marriage or relationships, people question why they remain in the marriage.
According to Abena, who has been a victim of domestic violence, leaving an abusive relationship is not as easy as perceived.
Recounting her ordeal on the Super Morning Show on Tuesday, the ardent listener of Joy FM, stated that “I have been a victim before. I was not going through physical abuse but emotional abuse.” She noted that this resulted in a health condition she did not have prior.
“I didn’t have BP but all of a sudden, I started developing that,” she recounted.
In spite of this, she couldn’t leave because of her fears. “There were so many questions that come into the mind: how will society see me? How will my children address me in the future, that you left our dad and a whole lot will come to mind,” she said.
Eventually, she saw the need to walk out of the marriage after the thought of who would take care of her kids, if she died through the abuse, kept haunting.
“Fortunately, there was a lady in our house who was a secretary to a lawyer and was talking to her boss about it. One day the lawyer invited me, and I narrated everything to the lawyer. The lawyer wrote a letter to my husband and he just corrected mistakes in the letter and sent it back to the lawyer. So the lawyer asked me to go and let him know when I was ready for the divorce,” she said.
Even after she took the decision, she recounted that the fight wasn’t easy. But a determined Abena did not give up the fight. Not even her parent’s caution could deter her.
“It took me two years to overcome this. When I started, my parents told me not to do it. But I told myself that even if it’ll take me 10 years to get my freedom, I will do it. And the legal way too, the court took me through the divorce for four good years, before I had my freedom.
“Even after that, taking care of the children too was left to me alone. I took it to DOVVSU and the experience was so bad. So it’s not as easy as it seems,” she stressed.
Abusive relationships are extremely complex situations and it takes a lot of courage to leave. Many will dismiss or downplay emotional abuse because they don’t think it’s as bad as physical abuse.
The discussion on the Super Morning Show followed the death of popular Nigerian Singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, who allegedly died from domestic violence.
The musician, known for her hit song ‘Ekwueme’, died on Friday, April 8, at a hospital in Abuja.
In an interview, the elder sister of the late gospel music artiste dismissed reports indicating that she died of cancer.
According to Miss Made, Osinachi’s husband had been abusing her before her untimely death.
She also revealed that her family had advised Osinachi to separate from her husband and take care of herself and her children, but she refused and always made her family aware that she believed her husband would change for the better.
Speaking on why women would decide to take such decisions in spite of various abuses from their partners, a Private Legal Practitioner, and Gender Activist, Dr. Angela Dwamena-Aboagye explained that this is due to a number of factors, including a perceived notion that their partners would change someday.
She said it is very necessary to make victims understand this cycle before any other help is offered to them, otherwise, leaving an abusive relationship would be very tough.
She also blamed society for condoning domestic violence since most social institutions such as the family and the church, instead of addressing the issue, would encourage the woman to stay in the marriage with hopes that things would get better someday.
She, thus, advised women to seek help and be ready to take the necessary steps to liberate them from abuse.
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